Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I’m feeling good today but I’m moving slow, which isn’t terribly unusual, but I’m even slower than most slow Sundays. I haven’t been able to muster up the motivation to do much more than work on easy wedding things or to walk to and from the kitchen for snacks. I’m struggling to write or to focus enough to read. I loath to open Coursera and finish my overdue assignments there.
Today was my day. I had nothing pressing to do and nowhere at all I had to be but instead of doing all the things I’d been wanting to do, I simply did nothing at all and now I’m just disappointed.
But maybe coffee and good conversation will help? If it isn’t too late. The sun has gone down but the air outside is warm and the smell of rain still ingers from tonights thunderstorm. You can still hear it rumbling in the distance to the east if you listen closely. Pull up a chair, and fill up a cup, I’ve got some nice dark rum if your interested in spicing up your cup. Let’s talk about last week.
“I was feeling very comfortable; the coffee had warmed me up, and through the open door came scents of flowers and breaths of cool night air.”
— Albert Camus
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week was a long time coming. It was the end of the 2018-2019 conventional school year. It was a chaotic and stressful week, and the weather being so cold and dreary didn’t help matters, but underneath all that anxiety and low spirits there was a sense of anticipation too.
Even though many of us will have to work through the summer the excitement of the children looking forward to long days of sleeping, swimming, eating, playing video games and going on trips rubs off on us and we find ourselves agitated and eager right along with them.
I had two kids graduate this year. One I’ve only known for one year and who only rode the bus half the time. I wished him luck and he thanked me in turn and left. It wasn’t an emotional affair. The other I have been transporting for 2 years and we’d grown close. It was a very different goodbye. I’m happy he’s moving on and glad to know he’s more excited than sad, but this route (which I hope to have for a thrid year in a row) just won’t be the same without him.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I went in for my second suit fitting yesterday and I was very pleased with the alterations. I no longer look like a child wearing her father’s suit. I look the way I imagine myself in my mind. I looked like who I really am. My fiance really liked it too which means more to me than anyone else’s opinion, often even my own.
I almost wish I’d done like her and kept my suit secret the way she has her dress from me but I needed someone to be wit me and she was the only one I wanted with me through this process. So, instead, I’ll be surprising everyone else.
We worked on a few other wedding things this week too. Meeting with the wedding planner and receiving homework really helped get us back on track, though we’re already late finishing that too. We do have our photographer checklist completed and we might have chosen a dessert alternative though I’m still worried about guest reaction to not having cake. We’ve finished up the best man’s suit, got our signs and our chalkboard markers, and put together a vender list for the planner.
We’re going to try to get our budget up to date and work on some of the unexpected expenses that have come up because just holding figures in my head we’re either miraculously under budget with plenty of wiggle room left or I’m wrong, I’ve missed something, or miscalculated and we are wildly past what we were supposed to spend.
If we were having coffee I would tell you that other than the end of the school year, and wedding things, not much has been going on. Not much can go one when I’m feeling so exhausted, so stressed, and with my budget as tight as it has been.
It’s been hard to ask for help. I still haven’t and still don’t want to but I’m seeing more and more that help is necessary. The thing is, you only get to plan one wedding, if you’re lucky, and I just can’t imagine not being a part of every aspect of it. I can’t imagine leaving other people to decide what my day should look like.
But we have less than two months to go now and while our planner assures us that we are on track we feel like there is too much left to do and too little time left to do it in. The fact is I may have to ask for help. I may have to let go of controlling everything and getting exactly what I want and allowing space for people to show how much they care by incorporating their vision into my own.
I guess at the end of the day only one thing really matters, and it has nothing to do with decor, or dessert, or the order of events and everything to do with us finally become a legally recognized family and sharing our love and appreciation for one another and our loved ones.
I’m trying very hard to rememebr that, sigh.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I long ago switched from coffee to wine and the change has done nothing but make me sluggish and tired. I can’t look at ceremony alters or think about what kind of photographs or what to put on the ceremony programs anymore. I can’t keep looking at these screens and if I want to get up at a decent time tomorrow I had better get to bed.
I hope that you had a good week and that you have a safe long weekend. I hope that your summer is off to a good start and that you have time to remember those who fought for you while you barbeque, and swim, and drink.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.