I was supposed to try again today but I’m still feeling so sickly I knew if I tired I would only end up right back at home just like yesterday. So, I stayed in, again. I know it’s what’s best for me but I really feel guilty now. Usually when I feel guilty about taking time for my health, I end up pushing myself to be productive when I should be resting but today I’m fighting the urge. I can’t go on missing work so I’m forcing myself to stay in bed and to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. I’m only up to eat, to take medication, and to drink fluids, that is it!

If I am not feeling better by tomorrow, I’m definitely seeing a doctor.

It worked! I think I’m finally on the mend. By the time my wife made it back home from work I was feeling so much better. I’m coughing a lot less and when I do it is much more productive. My airways are clearing out and I don’t feel as fatigued or disoriented as I did this morning. Even my body aches are better!

I’m looking forward to work tomorrow, even though the weather is taking a nasty turn for the worst. We’re expecting at least a 40 degree drop in temperatures between this afternoon and tomorrow, from the high 70s to the mid-30s! Snow is forecasted too though I’m not sure how much. I wish it we’re going to be a better weather day for my return to work. Oh well.

So, I’m searching out our winter gear and setting out warm clothes. Tomorrow winter arrives, but just for the day I hear. By Friday afternoon we are back in the 50s and by Sunday 70!


Ok, I tried, I really did, but whatever I have is hanging on and really kicking my ass. I did manage to get myself up and dressed and into work on time but I’d been miserable, disoriented, sweating, and exhausted since I arrived. I looked so bad my boss said I should go home and I jumped at the chance. I came home, did the dishes so I wouldn’t feel bad, and slept the rest of the afternoon away.

Increasingly I’m worried what I have is not a minor cold but the flu. That would be just my luck. I get a flu shot every year but this year I got too busy to get into the clinic right away and here I am laid up on the couch (where I have been quarantined since Sunday night!) sniffling, coughing, and aching. At least I don’t have a fever, and at least I have a job I know will hold my place while I recover for a few days.

For now, I’m just going to sleep for the rest of the day and hope it’ll finally be enough to get me through the worst of it. I’ll try again tomorrow.

This morning I woke up and my throat was so swollen, and my head ached so badly, I knew I would be useless at work and in the process probably just make myself sicker from exhaustion, so I opted to stay in and recoup. I’m sure just one more day of rest is all I need to get back on my feet.

My wife is home too and taking care of me so well I feel a little guilty over it. She’s fetching me things, making my food, making sure I take medication on time, and reminding me to turn off all screen and rest when I know I should but wouldn’t without her prompt. I feel bad for wasting both her day and mine, but I know too that there was nothing I could do. It’s not like I got sick on purpose and if I don’t take the time to get better now we will waste even more time when this sickness is prolonged.

If We Were Having Coffee // Toughing It Out

Hello, happy Sunday and welcome! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I didn’t think we would meet today. I am stuck in bed today trying my best to recover from a throat infection. I didn’t think I would drink coffee at all since I should be sleeping but I’ve always felt that a little spending a little time up and about is important while your sick so you don’t get too down and nothing lifts the spirits like caffeine so why not? I can’t help being sick, but I don’t have to be miserable through it, do I?

Please, pull up a chair and grab yourself a cup. The weather is still chilly but I’m in no mood for the ritual of the Moka pot. So, cold brew and vanilla almond milk it is. Let’s have a short chat about last week.

“Some mornings there just isn’t enough coffee.”

― Carol Preflatish

If we were having coffee, I would tell you this past week wasn’t a good one. I felt down and discouraged most of it. I wasn’t working well with others and even on my own I felt unmotivated and directionless. On Tuesday I took a day to myself in and attempt to restart the week, but it didn’t work. In fact, I just felt worse. Time was thrown off and then there was the guilt. I’ve never been good at those “mental health” days.

Looking back now I wonder if it was because I was getting sick. The sore throat started on Wednesday but I thought I had simply burned it on hot food the day before. On Thursday it was a little worse, but I had no other symptoms so I still figured it was an injury rather than an illness.

On Friday the cough started, but it was light and I still felt fine, just a little tired that was all so I didn’t worry too much. Yesterday things escalated and the sore throat turned into an earache, then a headache, then my sinuses began to hurt, and the fatigue got bad.

I’m avoiding the cough drops and the nasty cold medicines as much as I can since they don’t sit well with my sensitive digestive tract anymore but that means I’m toughing it out in bed and not getting to do all my usual Sunday things.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you despite feeling cruddy I did have a wonderful “Saturdate” with my wife yesterday.

We woke up early, got clean up and fancy, and went downtown for brunch and a Colorado ballet performance of Don Quixote. Brunch was at our favorite jazz place featuring a live band, an all you can eat buffet of my breakfast favorites, a whole bottle of champagne between us for Bellinis and mimosas. We over stuffed ourselves and left feeling pleasantly tipsy to catch the show.

The ballet was okay. Last year we saw a ballet performance in the same opera house of Dracula and nothing have lived up to that display of perfection since. In this show there was a much greater display of dance talent, but the story was not as gripping which makes me think I need to supplement my cultural outings with a few plays. I saw a poster for DCPA performance of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night next month and I’m really thinking about going.

After Don Quixote we stopped for coffee and sweet treats to take home and spent the rest of the evening eating and drinking while catching up on the weeks shows. It was a perfect day.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we my youngest nephew turned 1 years old this week and though I wasn’t enthused about rushing home after work on a Friday night to bake a lasagna and a wrap presents for a one-year-old’s birthday party, I’m glad I went.

It was a small affair, just close family, that’s all. The birthday boy was just happy to be given so many treats, and kisses, and to be allowed to crawl about and play with tissue paper. He had a perfect day too I think. His older sister, two years his senior, on the other hand, struggled not to be the center of attention. She pouted and whined, acted like a baby, demanded to be held, and took all of her brother’s new toys. It was frustrating, but I felt sorry for the girl too. I know, being a big sister many times over myself, how it feels like to suddenly be forced to share more and more of the people you love most with someone else. How it feels to, from your perspective, be forgotten.

Luckily another family member got her a small gift too and I think going forward I will do the same, and for her brother on her birthday too. I might make it a tradition and extend the practice to my other sibling’s children too.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that next week is going to be a busy one. I’ve got a lot scheduled but I’ve noticed lately that half the work I think I have to do ends up getting canceled or postponed, so maybe it won’t be as bad as I worry it will. I just hope I feel well enough to make it through. It’s the last real week before fall break.

I’m still going to work during the break, but it’ll be light work, and it’ll only be for 3 days instead of 5. I plan to take the last two days to unwind with my wife before we both have to return to work. Until then I just have to hang in there. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep the light at the end of the tunnel in view.

I honestly hope I do stay busy. The time passes faster that way. The more work I have the less room there is in the day for fatigue, negative thoughts, and irritation. I think I’ll add some “me time” to my calendar, little creative spaces for me to look forward too.

This past week I did the same. During my lunches I worked on little posts about my favorite spooky, disturbing, and gory paintings under my “art history” tag. I spent a few evenings this week in my “creativity room” for a little collage art fun too. I’m hoping that this week I’ll be able to make and share more of both. Stay tuned.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sun has moved on to the west windows and I’ve migrated back to the bed. The cough is bad again and I’ve had all the tea I can stomach and I’ve hit my limit on the cough drop so it’s back to sleep I go.

I hope you had a good week. I hope the world didn’t ask too much of you. I hope you are well and that the new season is treating you well. I hope you made time for you this week and if you didn’t I hope you put yourself first in the next.

Until next time.

Tame Impala // Patience

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo courtesy of Barn Images

I’m stuck in bed today, wife’s orders. I had hoped that after a little rest I would start feeling better but since yesterday, since Friday really, I have just gotten worse. I’m not so much worried about this little cold as I am worried about what impact a passing cold can have on my chronic illness. Stressing my body can bring on a flare and if I go into a flare it would be like starting at square one again for my health. I’d be back on steroids, back to testing, back to doctor’s visits, and back to worrying constantly about what the next step is.

Of course, my doctor would tell me not to worry about that. She would tell me the worry was more likely to trigger an overactive immune response then the minor cold I’m fighting off. She would tell me that I’m doing good and that there isn’t even anything to worry about until that status changes. She would tell me to listen to my body, take care of myself, and relax and that is what I am going to try my best to do. I know how to get better and if I fail at that; I have people, both professionals and loved ones, that will get me through the next steps no matter what.

One must also recognize that morality is based on ideas and that all ideas are dangerous—dangerous because ideas can only lead to action and where the action leads no man can say. And dangerous in this respect: that confronted with the impossibility of remaining faithful to one’s beliefs, and the equal impossibility of becoming free of them, one can be driven to the most inhuman excesses.”

— James Baldwin, Stranger in the Village (via Erica Avey)

So, I think I am getting sick, again. Well, last time I thought I was getting sick but nothing came of it. This time I think it and I actually have the sore throat, the cough, the sinus pain, and the fatigue to back it up. This time I know it’s not all in my head, I think.

But, I’m pushing through because today we are heading going to the ballet! I have been looking forward to this for months, we both have, and I will not let a little cold get in the way. I remember years ago when I went to the ballet with a migraine. It was awful, but this won’t be as bad as that bad I think. I have a plan.

I’m going to consume and combine cold medicine, ibuprofen, copious amounts of caffeine, and just the right amount of alcohol (at brunch). I know on the surface and this sounds like a bad idea, but I know from previous experience that this recipe is almost magical. Trust me.

The work week is finally over, but instead of going home to rest and tune out for the evening I’m off to my baby nephew’s very first birthday party. Part of my is lamenting the loss of my relaxing Friday night routine, but another part of me is a little excited to go to.

I love each of my siblings’ children the same, that is, I love each of them so much that it almost hurts. I love how they are all little versions of my brother’s and sisters (all of whom I also love like they were my own kids), but different too. I love getting to know them. I love how distinct each of their personalities are. I love being near so much potential and hope. I love being an aunt and birthdays are when I get to show that off a little.