A gorgeous Colorado sunrise this morning.

Emotionally, I’m still reeling from the news of riots in Washington, D.C. yesterday. I’m finding it hard to tear myself away from news outlets and social media platforms, as I feverishly seek out visuals and first-hand accounts in a quest to understand how and why this has happened. I’m trying to process how violent and vulnerable we’ve turned out to be.

I don’t think any of us should expect to be productive in any way today.

When my thoughts aren’t on yesterday, they are running ahead to tomorrow. I keep thinking it’s Friday and that I have no time at all left to prepare for the next work week. When I remember it’s only Thursday, I find myself disconnected and idling. The panic returns quickly when I realize I’ve been distracted and I scrabble again only to lose interest once I remember I’m getting a day ahead again.

It’s not exactly anxiety I’m feeling, but something more like excitement. Tomorrow all of our employees return to work as a sort of practice day before the kids return next week and while part of me isn’t yet ready to give up the peace and quiet, part of me needs a little more noise and chaos to feel alive.

I wish I was being given a little more time to ease into the return to normalcy. It’s been so long that it doesn’t feel like the old boring routine I once thought it was. Instead, I’m going to have to hit the ground running come Monday. It’s probably better this way. This way I’ll have less time to think, to worry , to find reason to object, to fight, to fail.

It’s the first official day back at work since the break and it’s turning out to be a lot harder to get through than I anticipated. The morning was fine, but I made sure to keep as close to my regular waking time and routine for most of the last two weeks.

No, today it is the afternoon that is exhausting me. I have been spoiled and gotten too used to freedom and control. My body and mind believe I should be at home resting or doing something more enjoyable or fulfilling rather than stressing or dreading the next 3 hours of my afternoon.

Still, I think I am coping well. I was needed more than I thought I would be and though that really cut into the time I hoped to spend on myself it felt good to be able to work. My health is improving and I can feel the difference in energy and confidence since I started working out and moving my body more. I feel sore but strong, tired but in a good way. Suddenly existing as a physical being is no longer a drag.


I’m home late from work, avoiding my to-do list and eating food I know is bad for me as a result. I don’t cope well when plans change it seems. I have to give myself permission to shut down here and there though. It’s the only way I can pull myself back up and begin again the next day. I have to be able to tell myself “Today this is ok, but tomorrow it is not.”