145 // I Looked Like Me

Today is all about wedding attire. My fiance is already off to her dress fitting and in a few hours, we’ll both go check out the progress on my suit. I’m very nervous. I was the last time too.

I’m sure it will look better no matter what but it’s hard being a woman trying to make a men’s suit work. I feel like no one understands. I feel somehow embarrassed and ashamed. All I want is to feel and look like me for my wedding.

Ok, so my suit looks amazing! I was so nervous that I couldn’t tell that it did but my fiance assured me then that it did and now that a few hours have passed and I look back I am very pleased with the alterations. There is a bit more that has to be taken in and my pants weren’t ready so I will be back in two weeks but much of my anxiety has lifted. I think I will look great on the big day.

I want to take a moment to say how grateful I am to the tailor for acting as if this was a normal everyday thing. I don’t know how many men’s suits she has altered for women but she makes me feel comfortable; she makes me feel normal, and it means the world.

These entries are inspired by TDH.se

075 // I Want to Feel Like a Bride Too

We worked on a few wedding things tofay the most significant of which is that I may have finally figured out what I am wearing.

It’s hard being a genderqueer bride, you know? I don’t want to wear a dress but I still wantwto feel like a bride. I want to wear a suit that has a slightly feminine feel to it. I found a floral print suit I wanted, but it was out of stock. Then I thought about wearing pink but then we would have to change the bridesmaid’s dresses.

But then it occurred to me that, as a bride, I should simply wear white! I found a white suit but I’m still feeling anxious about it. The next step is measurement and alterations, and as a genderqueer woman who feels most comfortable wearing masculine coded clothing but who has a body that is curvy and feminine, trying to reconcile what I want to wear, and what I can wear can be frustrating and humiliating.

I wish the world wasn’t so segregated by gender. I wish that it was easier to find women’s clothes that fit men’s bodies, and men’s clothes that fit women’s bodies. I wish there was no such thing as men’s and women’s clothing at all, and that we could all find the clothes we want to wear in sizes that fit us comfortably. I wish I could be seen as a bride even though I won’t be wearing a dress, and I wish there were more places for me to go where I would be treated as normal and beautiful in my own right.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren