If We Were Having Coffee // Low-Key and Beautiful

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Even though I knew it was coming, the time change still threw me off this morning. I forgot to set my alarm last night, which has been unnecessary for many weekends in a row now and got up almost exactly one hour later than usual. So, instead of losing an hour of sleep, I lost an hour of my day. I haven’t been able to catch up yet.

But coffee always helps and I, thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Terry Pratchett, plan to pour a big cup of cold brew and get that hour back not from the past, as that would be impossible, but from my future self, who probably would have wasted it anyway.

So, please, pull up a chair and help yourself to a cup too. It’s not a particularly warm day, but it’s nicer than usual so I’m airing out the house while I can and letting plenty of sun in while it’s shining. Let’s talk about last week.

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

The week was low-key, but that isn’t the same as stress-free. The reason my workload was so reduced was that my team’s schedule kept getting shuffled and pushed. We showed up every day thinking we knew the plan and every day we were told a different one. We couldn’t shake the feeling that the work would never get done but that even when it did time constraints would make doing good work impossible.

Now I’m afraid the coming week will have twice the work to do with the same amount of time. I expect bad moods and flaring tempers all around.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as the week wore on we got busier and busier as we approached my brother’s wedding date Friday.

My sister and her kids flew into town on Wednesday and I spent the evening at my mother’s seeing her and her kids, my other sister, and my brother’s children who we left in grandma’s care for the evening. We had a great time and I went home and got to bed much later than was healthy because I was simply having too much fun.

Thursday I still had to work and afterward had to rush across town for the rehearsal dinner. My family was too worn out from the rehearsal before to keep the night going and honestly, I was worn out from a long cold day at work to keep the night going. We all went home, and to bed, early so we’d be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the big day.

I spent the morning of the wedding with my mom, my sister, and her kids. We took it easy, relaxing and watching TV, getting ready in bursts and shifts and trying to keep each other calm. We were all nervous for my brother. We wanted his and his fiancee’s day to go off without a hitch, but we were nervous for ourselves as well. We all have our own anxieties, and social functions are a common trigger. Add to that the expectations and the responsibility we each had to help make the day perfect, and we were all on edge and on the verge of tears.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that none of us had any reason to be worried. The day was perfect and everything went just as it was supposed to. The ceremony was short. The couple wrote their own vows and jumped the broom after the kiss. We all filed into the next room for cocktail hour and my girlfriend, who had volunteered to test her photography skills for the day, took everyone outside for pictures.

The food was good and the DJ, the brides younger sister played all the great wedding hits. We drank, ate, drank some more, and then we danced the night away.

By the end of the night, my sisters and I were the last ones on the dance floor and feeling great, but the night had to be cut short after a few had a few too many and we had to rally to get them home safe.

All in all, it was a beautiful day and I’m happy we got to be part of it. I’m also glad it’s over and I can focus fully on my own coming in just a few short months.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have so much to do and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can’t get it together and get it done. I’m procrastinating bad! We both are. We’re paralyzed by fear and still time is tick, tick, ticking away and still, we can’t help ourselves by taking any concrete action.

My biggest goal this week is to contact all the caterers on the list and to start on attire. We’re quickly approaching a point in our timeline where if too much is left to do we will have to make tough choices and compromises that will negatively impact our vision for the day.

After attending my brother’s wedding though I actually feel a lot better about my own capabilities for planning. He and his wife kept it simple, and it was good to see that simple can still be fun and beautiful. I was also happy to find that his wedding differed greatly from what I envision for my own and I’m even more excited to show people what we come up with.


After all that work and wedding stuff we felt it was important to reconnect with each other and get back to our own lives so we planned a little date night. Dinner and a movie, our old favorite. We saw Captain Marvel and I want to take a moment before I go to urge all of you, but especially those of you with young girls and those of us who were once young girls, to go see it.

I went into it not knowing very much about Captain Marvel. I never read the comics and I only vaguely remember her from the X-Men cartoons I used to watch as a kid. I went into the theater thinking I was about to see a very mediocre story about a very mediocre superhero, damn was I wrong!

The story was well written and well acted. The moral was thought-provoking and timely, and Captain Marvel was a strong, smart, and perfectly flawed. She may just be my new favorite hero and one I think all girls should see on the big screen, old and young alike.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that a week of work and wedding things means that my house is in shambles and it means I have to go now if I want to have any chance of cleaning it up and getting ready for Monday.

I hope this last week was good to you. I hope wherever you are you can smell Spring in the air and that “springing forward” doesn’t through you off too much. I hope that you found time to relax this weekend and that your coming week will be even better than the last.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash

068 // The Morning After and Goodbye

Considering the number of drinks I had last night I’m doing surprisingly well this morning. I’m up late, sure, but I’m up. The headache is minor but my limbs are very sore. That has nothing to do with the drinks and instead everything to do with the children left in my charge last night. They were heavy and wild, jumping into my arms and running me ragged through the night.

There was plenty of dancing too, which I think is why my feet hurt so much, but I’m not complaining. It was worth it to be last on the dance floor with my sisters. We were carefree, sipping our last drinks and requesting all of our favorites. It devastated us that the party had to end, but I’m making a mental note for my own wedding this summer that there must be an after party planned for those who want to hold on to the night just a little longer.


We said goodbye to my sister and her kids this morning after brunch. I’m glad we got just a little more time together, but I’m always sad to see them go. Life is better when we are all together, but I understand why they needed to move away. They needed to see a new place and to find independence. They wanted to start a new life, not just for them but for their kids, and their kids’ kids, and for generations to come.

I envy them; I disagree with them, but most of all I just miss them.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

067 // A Big Day, but Not Mine

Today is the big day! Not our big day, but my brother’s and I couldn’t be happier, more excited, or more stressed out for him.

I’m spending the morning with my mother, my sister who flew in from Texas and her kids. Our other sister is a bridesmaid, so she is with the wedding party and my fiance is the photographer and is documenting the happy couple as they get ready.

I’m tired and anxious, ready to get to the ceremony and ready to get through the night. Being the sister of the groom is a weird position. You’re important, but your role is less than if you were the sister of the bride.

I don’t know what my role is, but I’m desperate to find one, to be useful and to stay busy.


We’ve come to the end of a beautiful night. I had much more fun than I expected to and this is the first wedding that I can honestly say I was sad to see it end though; I hope it won’t be the last. It was beautiful, but it wasn’t mine.

That isn’t to say mine will be better, because I don’t think it will, but it will be mine and sometimes we love something more for our possession of it alone.

Soon.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

066 // I’m Happy Too

I’m stressed, exhausted and irritable today, but I’m also feeling so, so happy too.

My doctor did call to yell at me as I expected she would when I set up the appointment yesterday. At the same time, she was professional and compassionate. She’s worried, but she also cares. We’re moving forward and I have more blood tests to do and a new schedule for future ones.

My sister flew into town last night, which is why I am both exhausted and happy. I was out later than I should have been to be with her, her kids, our other sister, and my mom. We had fun. We always do when we are together, but it’s more than that. Sisters, no matter how difficult or annoying they are, or how different they are from you, they know you. They might not always get you but they know you better than anyone.

They live their lives beside yours, for all of their lives if not all of yours. It’s a gift too many of us squander and I am determined not just to be grateful for them, but to give them a reason to be grateful for me in return.

I still had to get up early this morning for work, which explains the irritability, but I’m trying my best to keep my spirits up. I’m off tomorrow for my brother’s wedding and after that, I’ll have one less thing to stress about while I stress about all the other things I have to do.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

065 // Gah!

Why, oh why, does the United States health care system have to be so damn complicated!

The IBD nurse called to schedule a time for a phone appointment with my Gastroenterologist tomorrow. I’m positive she wants to yell at me for not getting my shit together and taking too long to enroll in the financial assistance program through the drug company so I can start my new medication.

The thing is, I actually had my shit together this time…mostly. I was only dragging my feet for like, a week! The rest of the time I was waiting for the cost analysis from the insurance company, then trying to figure out which financial assistance program to apply for, then reapplying after I applied for the wrong one, then having them explain to me that the one I am approved for is a special one that is extra complicated for no reason other than because I have my insurance provider likes to make things complicated, then, after I was finally approved, having them try to explain to me how it works, twice!

Now I’m enrolled in a program I barely understand and still cannot use for another 7 to 10 business days while a wait for a welcome packet in the mail and somehow, it’s my fault this is taking so long?

And that is just the tip of the healthcare iceberg. Choosing an insurance provider in the first place was complicated. Getting a diagnosis was complicated. All the blood tests and side effects are complicated. Keeping myself well is complicated. Choosing, starting, and switching medications is complicated. It shouldn’t be this damn complicated!

All this, I am convinced, is only further complicating the condition all this complication I am going through is supposed to treat!


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

064 // Getting Through

I can’t wait to get through this week! I’m looking forward to the weekend when all this will be over and I can once again concentrate on my own problems, plans, and worries.

…I’m always trying to just get through. I’m trying to get through this task, this day, this week, this event or this worry. I imagine when it’s over everything will be easier, but the truth is it won’t. There will always be another hard task, day, week, event, or worry. The truth is all those tasks, and days, and weeks, and events, and worries are what life is made of and I shouldn’t wish it all away so easily.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

063 // Release Yourself

Sometimes our offers of help are rejected and our best-laid plans swept entirely aside. Sometimes we know that we know best but all efforts to convince anyone are in vain. We’re forced to swallow our pride and allow others to take the lead. We’re forced to follow a path we know leads to failure and to follow it with enthusiasm, energy, cheerfulness, and camaraderie.

It’s absolutely awful, and it’s life.

But then again, with our pride pushed firmly aside we might be able to see the silver lining. We might be able to see that what we’d tried to control wasn’t ours to control in the first place and holding onto it only keeps us from what is ours to direct and command. Let someone else take this burden. Release yourself from the stress and do only, think only, care only for what we have to, then go home to what belongs to you alone.


These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren