345 // Grey Day

The weather has turned wintry again. I’d hoped to work outside a little or fit a walk in before the temperature dropped, but the morning warmth never arrived and the clouds carried too much gloom. The cold kept me inside, bored and irritable, and time slowed to a crawl and I grew more and more anxious to return home.

I did try to keep a positive attitude through the grey day. I’m still feeling good physically and any way a boring day is better than a bad day, right? I tired, but I didn’t get far with that. There was just not enough excitement, laughter, progress or accomplishment to boost my mood.

I think I’m just missing the warmth and sunshine from the first half of the week. More than that, I’m longing for the days when I could leave work and walk over to the coffee shop to read or write for a while before anyone even knew I was gone. I can’t wait until Spring, or the coronavirus vaccine, or whenever the world might open up again and those third spaces I hardly used and always took for granted can offer my that escape I need.

I love my home, and work is never as bad as it could be or as bad as I think it is, but I need more than that routine. I need a place that puts me among other people, where I feel both part of the community and apart. A place that offers a new perspective.

My boss’s retirement luncheon was today. We’ve all known he would be leaving for a long time now but the news is really hitting me emotionally today. He has been an amazing boss. The kind that gives you room to be the best employee you can. I wish more managers understood that trying to squeeze every drop of productivity and accountability only stifles passion and kills good ideas before they have a chance to develop.

If you make all of your employees feel important and treat even the lowest level workers as resources for radical solutions and change you can build a better team, department, and company than you could ever imagine.

If you have a boss like the kind I had, the kind that trusts you to do your best work, appreciate them and spread your wings while they will let you. I’m afraid of who will be the next head of our department and worried that I will be reined in and smothered again. Just imagining it exhausts me.