I’ve lost the energy and focus of yesterday but I’m trying, trying, trying to make it through my to-dos and goals. I tried eating my meals on time, drinking more water, I tried coffee, and walking, and socializing too. Nothing is working and the more I try, try, try, the more tired my eyes feel and the easier it is to find myself sucked into a social media hole.

I suppose a few paragraphs written of a few drafts here and there, and a few pages read will have to be enough. The week is half over and I already feel behind. I think I just need to finish something. That is the new, and only, goal for the day.


I think I might have done it. I might have finished a thing. We’ll see how I feel about it tomorrow morning when I wake and read it over with fresh eyes but I imagine my future self will feel much like I feel right now, desperate to believe I have accomplished something, finally! I’ll give myself a little more time for edits but one way or another it’s going up. I need proof of effort, of progress, of possibility.

This morning was a good one. I woke up on time despite forgetting to check that my alarm was set last night and I got ready for work so smoothly I still can’t shake the feeling I must have forgotten something critical.

I got to work early and had plenty of time to prepare for my route and then hardly any kids showed up. The person I was supposed to test after my route ended up canceling and I have hours to myself for quiet work and a few podcasts.

It’s turning out to be a pretty good day!


Today turned out to be an uneventful day and uneventful, it turns out, is more exhausting than busy. 

I had time for what I wanted to do but the time I put into my personal pursuits only ever amount to incremental, almost imperceptible, progress whereas my day job is made up of tasks with beginnings, clear steps, and satisfying endings. No wonder I choose my day job over my passions so often. No wonder chasing my dreams feels so silly, pointless, and impossible in comparison.

Still, even with these negative and nagging thoughts in my head, part of me is happy. Perhaps that is the feeling I am chasing. Perhaps it will get bigger with time.

Yesterday we were near 70 degrees, today we never got above freezing. I woke up to falling snow and spent the morning bracing myself through icy road conditions and bad traffic. Working on a school bus I never thought being on a delayed schedule did any good until today when I saw what happens when we should and don’t.

Despite the miserable weather, and my body feeling miserable too, I was able to knock a few to-do items off of my list. Merging my separate lists together and keeping the items simple is already proving to be a big help. I like being able to see at a glance exactly what I need to get done and working through each item one-by-one until they are all done. It feels good.


It was my night to cook which means not only is my mood shot (I hate cooking but my wife and I switch off so that no one has to be miserable every night) but I have a lot less time for the things I’d hoped to accomplish. That’s ok though, today was a good effort and what could get done can easily roll over into Tuesday. I’ll have less time during the day but more time at night, and Wednesday will be less time during either and Thursday I scheduled more time during both.

I’m trying to find the balance.

Productive Sundays are the best kind of Sundays but all of my Sundays would be even more productive if I made my Saturdays more productive too.

In addition to everything I got done today I revived and merged all my to-do lists into one big list. I have one or two things to do (outside of work) per day, that’s all, and if I can get them done, by this time next week, I’ll have freed up enough time to tackle some real projects rather than having to spend all day on a hundred little chores.

Of course, the hardest part is never anything that’s actually on the list but rather keeping the list in focus in the first place. Wish me luck!

If We Were Having Coffee // A Project and a Passion

Hello and happy Sunday! Thanks for stopping by for a bit of conversation and a chance to catch up over a hot cup of coffee.

I’m up early this morning and starting the day with a big breakfast and at least half of my housework list. It helps me feel better about taking the midday to write if I’ve marked a few to-do items done by then. To be honest, I’m almost sad to be stuck inside. It’s such a beautiful day—We’re looking at a mild midday near 70 ahead of snow that’s forecasted to roll in over night, ugh!—but having the chance to clean, and write, and chat all day long sounds like the perfect way to spend a Sunday to me.

So, please, pull up a chair and grab a cup. I’ve just remembered that I actually own a French press and it can, in fact, be used to make other kinds of coffee besides cold brew. Let’s talk about last week!

“Coffee is a language in itself.”

― Jackie Chan


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week was just as hard as the week before. I finished up training the new class of employees that started last Tuesday and though it stressed me and scared me and considering I had very little idea what I was doing most of the time; I think it went very well.

I definitely feel like I’ve earned more respect of my coworkers and my bosses by taking on this task and executing it so well and for freeing up some of their time to work on more pressing matters. The truth is a year ago no one would have considered giving me such a big task, not for lack of competence but because it simply isn’t my job, but now that we are so short staffed there is just no one left with the time to do it.

Of course this actually works out in my favor for the long term. There is no better time to demonstrate that you are an asset to a workplace than when the workplace is in utter chaos. Every day I find a way to help out, and every day I make an impression and add to my resume. Soon there will be a chance for advancement and I mean to do everything I can to leave no room for any other option than me.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this weekend was just what I needed. I did nothing at all but what I wanted to do.

I took care of myself. I got back on my medication schedule. With all the work last week I found myself skipping meals and missing my medication alarms. I’m definitely feeling the consequences so much so in fact that tomorrow I’ll be sending off an email to my doctor and filling out this years FLMA request to prepare. I expect a round of lab tests and though I know I am not supposed to stress about the “what ifs” I can’t help worrying a little about both what could happen if my IBD flares up but the possibility that doing more at work is just too stressful for me to keep this disease in remission.

Yesterday I also took a leap and deleted all my old posts from my other blogging project, Zen and Pi. Many of you might know me from there but for those who don’t, Z&P is where my blogging dream first started, and died.

See, I meant to write about things there, and sometimes I did, but slowly I fell into a bad habit of getting too personal and mundane and that is why I made this place. I wanted somewhere to put the personal and mundane but then I never went back. I never lost the desire to write about things, but I didn’t know how to begin again with all that old personal and mundane still being hosted there. So, I deleted it all.

Of course, I didn’t really really delete it all and my hope is that much of it will be resurrected, revised, and reposted here where I also want to write about things, just different, more personal things instead. Anyway, if you want to tag along on the journey, you can check out the new space and follow.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week should be a lot more relaxed than the last.

I was going to spend my time working on those National Blog Posting Month pieces I had drafted at the end of October and never got around to finishing or posting but if I’m honest trying to catch up or to begin such a rigorous editorial schedule this far into the month doesn’t sound like much fun. It doesn’t sound like the kind of writing I really want to do be doing right now. I already have a project and a passion of my own and I need to focus my time on that.

I’m still interested in writing about those ideas but I want to do it more slowly. I want to go deeper and do better than what I had planned at first. Rather than quantity over quality, or even the other way around, quality over quantity I’d like to learn to balance the two both here and over at Zen and Pi. I want to stop trying to write the way other people do. I want to stop writing for other people too. I want to follow my own interests and instincts.

I want to write more selfishly.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sun has moved on to the west windows and I can feel the cold air moving in both from the north and west from the mountains bringing grey clouds and the threat of snow. It’s time for me to put away my screens and spend time with my little family before I’m forced to start another work week.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you were busy when you needed to be and that you were able to find peace when you didn’t. I hope you’re feeling well. I hope you are taking care of yourself when if don’t.

Until next time.

Risk // FKJ, Bas

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Jannis Brandt on Unsplash

This time change is still messing with me, but in a good way. I’m up before the sun this morning and already typing words. It’s been a long time since this has happened. I hope I never get used to the change, or, since I know I will, that it will at least go on getting easier.


So, it’s done, Zen and Pi is scrubbed clean and sporting a few new design tweaks. I’ll be honest, it was really hard to delete all those posts, but I had to do it so that I could turn that place into something else, something more.

And those old posts, they aren’t really gone, and they will be back, here, someday. I poured a lot of myself into that place so much that I almost wish I had kept going there and turned this place into Zen and Pi, but everything was so mixed up there I needed the blank slate just to figure out the next step.

I’ve started my first draft there, a piece that sums up what I see my philosophy to be right now. It’s not very good because I’m not an expert yet. I’m interested to see where I go from here and how much I change as I write there.

I couldn’t have asked for a better ending to the work week. Work itself was pretty easy. I got to work in the main office which is always more fun (but also more fast-paced) than my usual work. We ordered breakfast burritos and skillets from a popular brunch place nearby and shared the stress and the laughter before heading home to start the weekend early.

Of course when I got home I felt so guilty for the half day off while my wife worked the rest of her day that I spent it cleaning the house rather than getting a jump on my weekend writing goals. Oh well, my wife is on her way home, the house looks better than when she left it, and dinner is already done. It’ll be a good night too.

The weekend will be long, I hope. I have no obligations to dread and look forward to hours to write and to read. I’m increasingly looking to resurrect my old blog Zen and Pi and to turn it into something outside of myself. A place for concrete ideas. A place to take a stand I suppose.

It’s time to do my real work now.

I’m back!

It’s been a long week—a long two weeks really! I’ve missed my time here every day but I don’t regret taking on the extra work at all. I’ve learned a lot and the sense of accomplishment was much needed. Still, I’m ready to get back to my old easy-peasy predictable schedule.

Beginning this afternoon my work schedule should start winding down and I should finally be able to start getting back to the things I want to do.

The end comes right on time too. I’m getting tired of this particular set of problems and have been longing for days for new challenges and frustrations if I must have them at all. If I’m near the same people too long, and they keep pressing my same buttons, I lose patience and my ability to speak in comforting and constructive tones.

I’m trying though, and, all-in-all, I’m proud of myself. I think I did well and I don’t hate the idea of doing it all again, just not anytime soon, please.

If We Were Having Coffee // The Beginning is Gone

Hello and happy Sunday! Thanks for stopping by for a bit of conversation and a chance to catch up over a hot cup of coffee.

I woke up very late this morning needed even more sleep than the end of daylight savings time could provide. I wandered the house in exhaustion and malaise. I’m not feeling well and I feel bad for not feeling well. I’m recovering though and trying my best to do what I can. That means gathering up the energy and the will to shower, to take care of my pets, running a few errands. It was slow going but I was able to at least do that much. Now I plan to spend the rest of my evening here on the couch, typing, chatting, and sipping whatever fluids I can keep down.

So, please, pull up a chair and grab yourself a cup. You’re on your own to make coffee today I’m sorry to say. I’ve got packets of Starbucks instant iced coffee if you’re interested, or you can put the Moka pot on for a hot cup. Just Gatorade for me thanks.

Let’s talk about last week!

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”

― David Lynch


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week wasn’t long but it was definitely grueling.

I started teaching a large class of employees all on my own and though it went as well as I could expect it was also very hard work. I had no time at all in my day for writing and when I got home I was too worn out for any of the things I enjoy.

There was one exception. One day of freedom that came on the heels of one of the biggest October snowstorms we’ve ever seen. On Tuesday the storm rolled in earlier than expected but school had already been called on a regular schedule and once the powers that be decide what to do they cannot change their minds. We got the kids to school but the snow piled up faster than anyone expected. By noon, the powers that be made a new choice and we began the chaotic process of releasing the kids early and closing the district early.

The worst of it blew in overnight into Wednesday and the roads were deemed impossible and we all got a free day outside of time to stay home, warm and cozy.

This coming week I’ll have more of the same but it will get easier and easier as the class completes all the expected training items. Soon I’ll have more time to myself and by the following Monday, I expect to be back to a schedule that is much more familiar to me.

I’m doing all of this because pretty soon there will be a new staff position posted with a description that includes a lot of things I’d already been doing and new things too like training new classes. My (and my bosses) hope is that when the position is available and I will have the best chance of getting it based on experience.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this weekend was one of the worst I’ve ever had.

Friday night was great, actually. I meant to spend it out of the house but after getting home early and finally sitting down for a bit, I lost all my motivation to leave. My wife and I ordered Vietnamese for dinner and drank more than a few glasses of wine. We stayed up late watching creepy movies and enjoying each other’s company. It was a much-needed break from all the stress and the tediosity of the week.

I woke up at a decent time on Saturday. I felt good, focused, motivated, even excited…for a while. I got up to write and while typing away on my laptop my wife called me from another room. I shut the screen and went to see what she needed. When I got back and opened the screen again I got a dreaded message, “chrome os is missing or damaged”.

I spent the rest of the morning trying to fix it but nothing worked and by midday, my stomach was making some pretty concerning noises. I don’t want to get too detailed but I will say the rest of that evening and well into the night was spent in and out of the bathroom. My guess is something in the Vietnamese food was bad. I blame the egg rolls that came at room temperature and tasted a little funny.

Today I’m slightly better but I’m exhausted. My stomach is still sensitive and I haven’t been able to eat or drink much since midday yesterday but I managed to gather enough energy to go get a new laptop. I’m not sure I like it more than the last, but I couldn’t risk buying the same one again and facing the same system failure twice.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I made no progress at all on any of the goals I set up for myself this past week.

I had a whole bunch of posts ideas for National Blog Posting Month and a few of them are half-written too, but with work and this sickness, I haven’t gotten any of them up. I failed before I even got a chance to start. I want to try again but I’m not sure how to start now that the beginning is gone. Maybe these challenges aren’t for me. I never can seem to get through them.

My other goals fell by the wayside too. I didn’t do any reading and I never got into the creativity room and I never made anything with my hands.

I hope this coming week will be different. I hope I can find the time and when I do I hope the passion and the inspiration are there to meet me too.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m tired. It’s late and I’m still fighting through this gastrointestinal upset and if I want to have any hope of making it in to work tomorrow I have to get some rest now.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you are feeling well and that your week was a lot more relaxed than mine was. I hope something went right for a change and that you found some peace, some clarity, some sense of direction.

Until next time.


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Anshu A on Unsplash

It’s a snow day!

It’s actually not snowing that much anymore but by the looks of things it was falling hard all night.

So, I have a whole day to myself and I’m conflicted as to how I should use it. On the one hand, I want to do nothing. Snow days are days that exist outside of time. They are perfectly packaged gifts of time that contains no expectations, no obligations, just hours and hours within which I can do nothing at all without guilt or shame.

On the other hand, they are days when I can be most productive. Snow days can be hours and hours of free time for all the things I wish I could be doing on days when I have work. I have pages of read to catch up on and posts to write here for National Blog Posting Month beginning in just two days.

Maybe it can a bit of both? Maybe I can write and watch T.V. or read and rest all at once. Maybe it doesn’t matter what I do. Maybe all that I have to do is be present and grateful.