If We Were Having Coffee // We Will be Married

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m up early this morning but not for any particular reason. There’s not much I have to do today, just a few things I want to do to keep from feeling guilty for wasting the whole weekend. 

I spent almost all of yesterday on the couch. Today I’m refusing to even enter my living room and I’m forbidding the use of social media until I’ve cleaned a few rooms, typed up a few posts, made a few phone calls, and made progress on our wedding planning “to-do next” list. 

But first, coffee! Pull up a chair and, please, help yourself to a cup. There is plenty of sunshine streaming in through the windows but don’t be deceived. It’s freezing out there and if you look out, you can still see the 8 inches of snow we received Friday night into Saturday still clinging to the trees and rooftops. It’s the perfect day for a big cup of piping hot dark roast, don’t you think?

Come, let’s talk about last week.

“If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee.” 

― Sydney Smith

If we were having coffee, I would apologize for missing last week’s chat. Last weekend my mother, my youngest sister, my girlfriend, and I drove down to Texas to surprise our other sister for her 30th birthday.

The drive is 15 hours long, and I had hoped to chat with you along the way, but for most of that time, I was either sleeping or without cellphone service at all. By the time we were back in town and I could post it was far too late to.

All in all, the drive was pretty awful, and we all agreed to never to do it again. Our time in Texas, however, was wonderful and I wish it could’ve lasted much longer. It felt good to be there for my sister and to celebrate such important milestones with her.

My sister comes up here to see us fairly regularly, but this is the first time I was able to go to her and see her home and how beautiful Houston is. I was surprised to find so many trees and so much green in the middle of winter.

The warmth and humidity were surprising salves for my soul. I’ve heard the summers there are sweltering and unpleasant, but I can see myself going down there at this time every year for a break from the frigid and depressing Colorado winter.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that after our trip I got one more day of rest before I had to return to work. President’s day meant the week was a short one but short weeks only mean concentrated workloads. The extra work and shortened timeline were stressful enough but things have been particularly chaotic following significant staff changes.

The constant schedule changes and last-minute needs of coworkers are sending my anxiety levels sky high! But, I’m good at what I do and I pride myself on doing it with enthusiasm. I got through my work, the exhaustion, through irritation, through frustration, and through disappointment. No, I didn’t just get through it, I killed it!

I’ve been promised a break next week and I’m looking forward to catching up on everything I had to push aside this week, which, it turns out, was quite a lot.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have finally settled on a wedding venue and a date. We found a place in the heart of the city that had just the right look and isn’t far from one of my dream outdoor ceremony sites. Best of all if the weather won’t cooperate on our special day we have the option of moving our vows indoors. Now we just have to plan the rest of…everything else.

When we went to secure our date at the venue, we brought our mothers with us to have one final look before we made it official. They loved the place, but they were eager to know what our plans were for food, decor, DJs, rehearsals, seating plans and a lot of other things we’d barely thought about. We’re overwhelmed, but there is excitement bubbling below the anxiety too, somewhere. 

We are getting married, and even if we mess it all up and every single thing goes wrong between then and now it won’t matter because we will finally be married!


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that despite these long days it seems like 2019 is moving along rather quickly. Soon we’ll be making our way through the third month and approaching the 25% complete mark. I don’t know about you but my goals are nowhere near 25% complete! 

I don’t know about you but I am having a hard time focusing on those big, long-term dreams. I’m procrastinating. I feel lost. I am full of doubt and my mind is all over the place. I’m losing a lot of time to social media, to the news cycle, to the short term and ultimately useless satisfaction of daily internet drama.  

One of my favorite bloggers, Patrick Rhone, has started a new podcast, or rather, a “microcast” called Rhonecast. The first two episodes are up and the first is a small piece of advice that made a big difference to my week wherever I applied it.

Rhone advises us If It Sucks You In, Delete It. He doesn’t advise that you assess the way you use an app, or limit the time you spend on an app, he simply says to delete it. He goes even further to say, don’t just delete it, replace it too.

Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t delete those time-sucking apps off of my phone completely, but I did make them harder to see. I turned off my notifications and took them off of the home screen. Now I have to go to the app drawer and scroll down to find them.

And where the folder for these time-sucking apps was, I made a new folder. I put a note taking app in there. I put Duolingo and Coursera in there. I downloaded a new app called Slowly and put that in there so instead of mindlessly scrolling through endless content, I read letters from faraway pen pals and write them long letters back.

These small moves have helped a ton already! I have given myself much more useful, productive, and fulfilling things to do when I’m bored now. And when even these apps won’t entertain, I’m more likely to just put my phone down and pick up a book or pull out my journal than to look to social media. And when I do feel the need to open Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook, it’s for a reason and not just to pass the time. 

If you’re struggling like me I encourage you to give the delete and replace strategy a try.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I am enjoying our chat, it time for me to go. There are only a few short hours left until the weekend is over and so much more I want to do before the workweek begins.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope that you found time for you this weekend and that this coming week will be better than the last.

Until next time. 


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

052 // Troubling Signs

I’ve been feeling good lately, physically at least. The longer I am off my old infusion medication the better I feel too. I’ve lost weight. I’m happier, more motivated, and enjoying the random bursts of enthusiasm I have for people again. I feel good, but there are troubling signs too. I’m afraid without the infusions to control my ulcerative colitis plus all the stress I’ve been dealing with, a flare is imminent.

It figures that when my symptoms are under control the rest of my body would feel like crap, and when I get my gut under control, then the rest of my feels cruddy. Sigh.


Tonight we secured the wedding venue and our date, and we settled on wedding invitations too. Three decisions down, about a thousand more to go. I am finally feeling more excited, but I’m also feeling a lot more anxious and doubtful. I can’t shake the fear that we are now locked into something over our heads and financially foolish. I can’t help doubting we can pull it off or that any of this will be worth it or as wonderful as we dream.

I just try to remember that at the end of all this I will be married and that, more than any of those thousand little decisions I’ll have to make until then, is what matters most.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

033 // A Good Day and a Bad Idea

Today was one of those good and bad days. Not in between, but both at the same time. The day appeared to be all bad, or at least very bad from my cozy place in the corner of my couch, but after a good meal and a chance to rest quietly, I can see there was actually a whole lot more good than bad.

The good news is we may have made some very significant progress in wedding planning but rather than being relieved I just feel newly overwhelmed, anxious, and afraid. With every step we take a cascade of decisions must be made after. Everything I do means I must do other more difficult and expensive things next. There is so much that can go wrong and have a talent for finding the most devastating ways of screwing things up.

My littlest sister—younger by 15 years!—had to give me a pep-talk and her enthusiasm, faith, and humor have energized and emboldened me.

So yes, looking back, it was a good day, but afterward, hoping to keep the good time going, we decided to go clothes shopping and that was a bad idea. Long story short, my self-esteem didn’t survive, hence the need for the cozy corner on the couch, the quiet rest, and an early bedtime.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

021 // Perfect Isn’t Always Good

It was a tough day, as I expected it would be. The venue wasn’t quite right but just right enough that we feel frustrated and as unsure as ever. We had to pep-talk each other again and renew our resolve to keep moving forward. We had to be reminded that what is perfect isn’t always what is good and what is good can be perfect if you let it.


We’re in a blizzard warning from just 10 minutes from now until late morning tomorrow. Nothing is happening but we have a feeling that school will be delayed. Delay days are chaotic and stressful but secretly I like them. On delayed schedule days, nothing that goes wrong is my fault at all. On delayed schedule days, it can all be blamed on the weather, time, and decisions made well above my pay grade.

It’s easier to let go of your frustration when so much is out of your control.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

020 // Decisions and Doubt

Book shopping day! The sun was out, and the air warmed enough to persuade me to get out of the house. I gathered up the gift cards I’ve been hoarding since Christmas and went to my favorite place, the bookstore. I got the two newest volumes of Saga, One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, and Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I’m excited to read them all, but more excited for the book shopping I’ll get to do again once I finish these.


I’m nervous about tomorrow.  We’re heading out early to look at a wedding venue. It’s going to be a long drive there, and a long drive back, and in between a long talk and a hard choice. Wedding planning isn’t fun, I’ve learned that.

The money, the time, the endless decisions and doubt. Not about our life together but about what you have to do to begin it. Our future began a long, long time ago and paradoxically the more that time has diminished our need for a wedding the more we feel the need to have it and the grander our day needs to be.

So, tomorrow we may have one step settled but then the other dominos will need to fall into place quickly. It’s all very scary, and hard, but the sooner it’s done the better and I’m sure, once we find our groove and get over enough humps, we’ll find the fun in it.


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren

006//365

Now that the living room revamp is done, and I’ve caught up somewhat on the housework, it’s time to focus once again on our upcoming wedding. We’re reconsidering all-inclusive packages and trimming the guest list down to whatever number it needs to be to keep our preferred venue options available. We’re procrastinators, as I’ve mentioned, and we loathe wedding planning, so we’ve got to make things easier on ourselves if we want to get this done.

By the end of the month, we will have a venue and date chosen and booked!


These entries are inspired by the journal posts of Thord D. Hedengren