Statuses

I’m back in the creativity room again and it feels really good. The couch is nice but the T.V. is distracting and to be honest as much as my wife and I love each other it isn’t good for us to be in the same room too many days in a row. I’m grateful not to have to go through this social isolation alone, but it does require an adjustment period and a lot of sensitivity and flexibility when you are married. We’re working out how much time together is too much and how to express thoughtfully and sensitively whenever either of us needs space.

I’m glad it is a given that both of us would have different schedules and projects around the house throughout the day, just as if we were at work. We’re still working out how which part of the day should be spent together, but I think the answer is easy, the evenings and weekends as it’s always been.

So far we are coping with the shut in okay. I’m more worried about my loved ones, some of which are still being expected to work and others who have found themselves temporarily unemployed and without pay. I worry they will get sick and I worry they will lose their homes or have their utilities shut off.

And the worry is taking a toll, too. My stomach has been hurting for a couple of days now and only getting worse. I’m worried about another ulcerative colitis flare. That’s the last thing I need to deal with right now. (Although on second thought if I had to go into a flare this would be the best time. Well, if it weren’t for the shortage of toilet paper, that is.) I know the healthcare system has bigger worries and I am sure my doctors are otherwise occupied. I don’t think I would have the usual support if I flared right now.

It seems there is no part of life this pandemic isn’t touching.

Today is a do nothing day. I’ve spent it in the bright and roomy corner of the couch reading while the cat and dog alternate turns cuddling with me. My wife is at the other end playing all the Divergent movies back to back. Her foot taps mine every once in a while to reassure us both, and between movies we alternate fetching snacks. It’s a true Saturday, not just a day cooped up at home. It helps if you feel like you chose it; you know?

I’m not in love with the book I’m reading but I’ve put in so much time and tried so hard that I have to see the nearly 1,200 page tome through to the end. I would have finished It by now if it weren’t for the sheer size of the thing and I’m rethinking my aversion to ebooks again because of it. I recently had a chat with an old fan of the blog and his questions reminded me that I have an old iPad lying around that could serve as an e-reader once I delete every other app installed.

When I’m done with It I’ll give e-books a real try. I have enough money in gift cards to try some contemporary reads without investing too much.

It’s getting harder and harder to find a routine. My instinct is to treat every day like it’s Saturday until the Sunday before I must return to work finally comes along, but Saturday’s have always been about escape. They are about anything but work and routine. Every weekend was all fun, and rest, and fulfillment, until finally, they had to be for preparation, but they were never the work or the routine.

A month or more of Saturday’s sounds like fun, but time spent only in rest and escape is just as off-balance and unhealthy as life too devoted to work and productivity.

Before this age of social distancing, I spent my free time trying to work out how to include leisure in my life. Now I’m trying to find time for work. What is my work now that my day job is closed? What can I do now that I must do it alone and from home? How can my days be structured, so that something is being accomplished and a healthy balance is being achieved?

These are the kinds of questions I am trying to answer now and my worry is that by the time I answer them it will be time to return to the old balance and routine and I will have wasted time overthinking my role in this pandemic.

I got up a bit earlier than yesterday. I’m trying hard to keep to some kind of schedule and to make sure when I do get up that I am not just watching T.V. (especially the news) and I’m not just scrolling social media. I am losing the battle to limit myself, but it’s so hard now that life as we know it is changing by the hour.

The weather was gorgeous today and, knowing tomorrow would be quite the opposite, my wife and I opted to unplug and get out for a long walk with the dog. It felt good to move my body, to fun and laugh and to pretend for a while that everything was back to normal again.

The relief didn’t last long. As soon as we got back home, I started seeing reports and rumors about another extension of the already extended Spring break. The Governor announced today that it’s becoming increasingly unlikely that schools across the city will reopen before summer break. My mind is struggled to wrap around the idea of two weeks away from work, two months or more away is unimaginable. It already hard enough to stay busy and to keep our minds occupied as it is, I’m not sure how we will make it through another month.

Or, I know we will make it, but I’m not sure what we will have to do to make it or how we will have changed when we do. I suppose that applies to each of us, no matter what our location or circumstance is. I suppose this applies to us all as a collective city, state, country, and species.

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News just came in that all Colorado school districts will be closed for the next month. We will not return until April 20th, at least. It’s nerve-wracking, but at the same time I am so grateful. I know I am one of the lucky ones by far. I will be getting paid for this time off and I’m not even being asked to work from home. I know that, financially, I will make it through this just fine and all I have to worry about now is keeping the food and essentials in the house.

Since we are so lucky we’ll be looking for ways to help those less fortunate than us get through this confusing and terrifying time whether that means volunteering (unlikely due to both of us having chronic conditions) or through donations in the form of cash or goods. We’ll be ordering food through take out or delivery and buying gift cards to help keep local businesses afloat.

We’re all in this together and my hope is that by the end, whenever that is and whatever that looks like, the world will have changed in every way for the better. My hope is that this will be a reminder that humans cannot survive or thrive without other humans, and we learn to care a little more for one another for the good of us all. I don’t want all of this to have been in vain.