Read 100 pages of Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert M. Sapolsky. I had been shooting for 200 a week but with my busy work schedule and the courses I’m taking I have to manage my expectations. 100 pages a week is less than 15 pages a day, totally doable!
Work on that little writing idea sitting in my drafts folder. It’s small enough that I can probably finish it in my spare time but big enough that I will feel accomplished and encouraged by it. It’s a good first step toward…taking another step. Just what I need.
Clean off my desk and create a reading space in the “creativity room”. I’ve had trouble starting on my art projects because the space I have for making things doesn’t feel conducive to making things. It’s cluttered, disorganized, and cramped. I have to get it straightened up if I want to stop avoiding it in favor of the livingroom. The reading space is just a bonus.
Regardless of comfort spend 20 minutes in there every night, and an hour in the early mornings on both Saturday and Sunday. The goal is to keep the expectations low, to just use what I have, to have fun, and keep all screens well out of reach.
Jog for 20 minutes every other afternoon and in between do a simple 20 minute bodyweight workout. The mornings have gotten too cold and getting out of bed is harder than it was just a month ago. Physical activity will have to take place in the afternoons after work and before dinner. Keep hitting your step goals
Get out of the house this weekend. Lately I’ve been coming home Friday night, jumping into pajamas, and not going outside again until I’m on my way back to work Monday morning. It sounds nice but this can’t be good for my mental health.
This week I will continue to be mindful of the ways I spend my time, and, more importantly, the way I use my phone. I will not feel guilty about saying no. I won’t feel bad about making time for me, for doing the things I enjoy, or for enjoying things that other people don’t. I’m the one who has to face my failures at the end of the week.
P.S. For a look at how I fared last week check out my updated post for Week 39.
It’s getting on toward the late afternoon now and the chilly wind through the neighbors’ trees is casting moving, almost glittering, shadows throughout the whole house. It looks almost as if we are underwater. It’s calming. Suddenly I remember I am happy. I remember that I have a wonderfully peaceful little life and that I’m thoroughly in love with every part of it.
Today was an “in between” kind of day. Not lazy, but not particularly eventful either. I spent much of the day doing blog things and cooking all of our breakfasts for the week. I did a little cleaning but not as much as I should have. The same goes for writing.
I’m dreading work tomorrow, of course. The weekend wasn’t nearly long enough or maybe it was but I wasted it. September ends tomorrow too and I’m both sad and excited to see it go. I’m not a big fan of fall and I loath winter so the further we get into the year now the more miserable I will become.
Still, Halloween is my favorite month of the year.
“She’s asleep; she sees a crab and her color starts to change a little bit. Then she turns all dark. Octopuses will do that when they leave the bottom.
This is a camouflage, like she’s just subdued a crab and now she’s going to sit there and eat it and she doesn’t want anyone to notice her. It’s a very unusual behavior, to see the color come and go on her mantle like that. I mean, just to be able to see all the different color patterns just flashing one after another — you don’t usually see that when an animal’s sleeping. This really is fascinating.”
“Octopuses are smart animals that can use tools, recognize individual people, and even solve puzzles. But perhaps the most mesmerizing example of octopus intelligence occurs when they are sleeping—and, potentially, dreaming.
This week, PBS released new footage of an octopus named Heidi shifting through flashy camouflage displays in her sleep. Much like human behaviors such as sleep-talking or sleep-walking, Heidi’s multi-hued transformations may be an expression of her dreams.”
Hello, happy Sunday and welcome! Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I woke up early this morning after a much-needed, and quite elusive, good night’s sleep. I’m up, but I’m not particularly motivated, so it’s still a slow start. The chill in the air doesn’t help and though I feel rested the warmth of the bed is still tempting me back. I miss summer already, or I miss summer mornings, theses cooler afternoons have been much-appreciated. For now, I’m on the couch, wrapped in blankets and finishing a hot cup of green tea before I move on to the hard stuff.
So, pull up a chair and grab yourself a cup. I filled the Moka pot with blond roast grounds and when it’s done; I have sweet vanilla almond milk to pour over top. Let’s talk about last week!
“That’s something that annoys the hell out of me—I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t.”
— J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week didn’t turn out at all the way I thought it would.
I expected a very busy week but every morning I went in to work my schedule changed. Some work was canceled, other work got more complicated and difficult. The routes I went on often had no regular driver or assistant so both the driver thrown on it for that day and I were effectively the blind leading the blind. Luckily I am good at this. I have a system utilizing all the information I have on a student and google maps to get us, and the kids, where we need to go.
Most of the training I was supposed to do ended up getting postponed and then canceled altogether but rather than having guilt-free hours to do as I please I ended up having to hustle for work to justify the pay. Struggling to find ways to contribute was more tiring than any work I ended up finding to do. My hope is that next week will not necessarily be easier but that the work I am expected to do will be laid out a lot more neatly for me.
On a related note, thank god for my coworkers, who are also my friends, and who support me and keep me laughing. They keep me sane.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that what I really right now is a good night’s sleep, or rather, more than one night of rest in a row, please?
I’ve been complaining about it for a while now, I know, but I promise you I am trying to find a solution but it’s hard without knowing what the problem is. I suspect anxiety but I can’t be sure. I hope fixing the issue can be as easy as a lifestyle and diet change but I’m open to medication if neither helps. For now, I’m on an array of supplements both for my ulcerative colitis and to aid in sleeping. I’m taking iron, magnesium, zinc, calcium, vitamin D, and peppermint oil. I’m trying to read more and to have a real bedtime routine. This week I’ll watch my caffeine intake, out into the sun during my lunch break, and taking melatonin up to an hour before bed.
Other than feeling like a zombie most days I’m doing okay. I’m still dealing with a lot of stress and worrying constantly about my loved ones, but it’s getting better, slowly. We’re getting to a tipping point where the time for worrying will be over and action will be taken. I like the action part of any crisis because it means eliminating things that can be worried about. Once an action is taken there’s no use in worrying anymore. You can finally relax and wait for the chips to fall where they may. I can’t wait to finally take some action.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’M AN AUNT AGAIN! My sister gave birth to her first child on Tuesday, a girl, and though I couldn’t get down to South Carolina for the birth, I’m going to go out there the first chance I get to meet my new niece. I am very excited for her and for our family. She is so cute and I know my sister and her boyfriend are so happy.
I’m hoping that this new life will bring us all closer together. Many of my sibling and I didn’t grow up together in the same households, in the same cities, or even the same states. One of us was born in a whole different country. We have different mothers and fathers and we grew up in different socioeconomic levels and learned different norms. We lead wholly different lives now but there is always something that ties us all together. We long to feel like family. We long to be the family our parent’s weaknesses wouldn’t let us be. As the oldest I feel like it’s my job to keep us together, but it’s a big job and I don’t always do it well but the next generation is here and growing and we all have to do better by them. We have to feel like a family.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you I was much better at making time for myself this week. I spent my lunches away from my desk reading and working on my Coursera lessons. I was clear about being “off the clock” and warned that any work imposed on me would result in overtime pay. I didn’t give my time or attention for free and guarded both fiercely.
I wish I had spent more time listening to music and podcasts. I didn’t write as much as I wanted to but switching my mind from work mode to writing mode was hard. The reading and lessons were much easier. My only disappointment was that when I got home in the evenings, I let laziness get the better of me though and never made it into my “creativity room”.
It’s hard to have any will power by then when I am so tired and stressed. The living room is comfortable. It’s where I go to turn my mind off, to be with my wife, the dog, the cat, to catch up on our favorite shows, to stretch out and to do nothing for a change. It’s an easy, peaceful place to be but I so often regret my time there. This week I’m going to continue to work on these bad habits.
I haven’t been exercising lately either, another thing I am supposed to be doing after work. It’s hard when you have to cook too and then get right into getting ready for the next day, but a 20-minute jog or simple bodyweight workout shouldn’t be impossible especially now that the weather has cooled off so much.
Still, I don’t want to be too hard on myself. There were so many little things I did this week that for me took bravery and focus. Eating well, taking all of my medication, advocating for myself, making my boundaries clear, not compromising my principles, just to name a few. I stood up with others and for others and I took care of my loved ones. I liked who I was this week and though it’s becoming a more and more regular feeling, it’s still a difficult and rare one to achieve.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s time for me to get to the laundry, the dishes, and the meal prep plans for the week. It’s time to get up off the couch, to pour another cup of coffee, open the blinds and start the day. It’s time for less talking and more doing.
I hope you had a good week. I hope you made some small progress, that you were given good news, and that you made time for you. I hope wherever you are the summer heat has faded but the winter cold is still far away. I hope it’s simply autumn.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Too many margaritas last night means today was a lazy day. I got up at a decent hour and tried my best to fend off the headache and the fatigue I drank water, ate breakfast, took my meds and supplements, and even tried tea, but I never could get out of the funk, so I went back to bed so I could try again.
I woke up sometime later feeling much better but half the day had passed and there was no chance to do anything big. So, I finished … and caught up on missing posts here. I cleaned up the kitchen and made my wife some delicious vegetarian tacos too. We watched the Savage X Fenty lingerie show and the now we’re going to binge-watch more Preacher until we both start nodding off.
Life is good.
The light work schedule continues through today. I’m trying to take it easy. I didn’t sleep as well last night as I did the night before. This morning I rode on a route with an older woman and lamented my lack of a regular good night’s sleep. She asked me how old I was and told me it was normal for me. Apparently, according to this lady, women just don’t sleep well after they turn 30. Reason #103,657, if it’s true, that I wish I had been born a man.
I have some more supplements being delivered today. I’m already taking iron, calcium, vitamin D, magnesium, and I’ll be adding zinc and peppermint oil to the mix. I’ll keep taking the melatonin too but not for more than a few days at a time. I’m going to start walking during my lunch and I’m already watching my caffeine intake. I don’t know what more to do for myself beyond prescriptions.
I’ve been feeling so blah but tonight is turning out to be just what I needed. My wife brought home chicken tacos from our favorite place and made the most delicious margaritas. We have sopapillas for later and episode of Preacher on Hulu for the rest of the night. I had hoped we would go out with friends but I think this is what we needed even more.
I slept better than I have all week last night and though I’m still sluggish and ill-tempered it’s better and that’s something. I avoided watching TV and checking my phone and instead focused on cleaning up, reading, and getting ready for the next day. I took all my meds and supplements and added a 5mg melatonin pill to the mix when I went to be. The routine worked, but it wasn’t much fun.
I thought work was going to be hard but the woman I was supposed to train didn’t show and suddenly I had a few free hours I have no idea what to do with. I want to read and to work on my courses but I’m feeling too discouraged to try. This book is so thick I feel I will never finish it and for the courses, the readings and videos just never seem to end. I’m doing things but progress never just seems to be made.
It might help if I marked where I start and where I stop every day. That way I could see that I really was moving forward and that the end is getting closer.
I’m ready to check the boxes and move on to something new.
A new employee came up to me after her lunch just to chat. She’s a retired nurse from Venezuela and though she understands English just fine, she struggles to speak it.
She asked me how I was and told me how hard it had been to for her being new on the job. She mentioned how people had struggled to understand her and I didn’t mention the comments I’d overheard behind her back about it. I told her that I’ve never had trouble understanding broken English or accents, a gift that has helped me not just to understand those for whom English is a second language but also in working with the children I do who often have severe speech impairments.
I told her I understood her just fine, and I think that meant a lot to her. She started to cry and told me how hard life has been for her ever since she came to this country because she could not overcome her accent. She told me that while it hurt no one could understand her; it was the ways that people let her know that they could not understand her that hurt the most.
What struck me too, even more than her plight, was that despite the treatment she’d received and her pain she loves this country deeply. She lectured me through tears about how lucky I was to live where there was such freedom and privilege and told me sternly never to take it for granted because these freedoms and privileges are never safe and secure. She told me nowhere is safe and secure. She told me never to never ever allow my country to be taken, sold, or given away but instead to always fight.
I don’t know that I agreed with her perspective completely—America may be great but it is far from perfect—but I certainly respected what she said and she has made me think about what my love for this country looks and feels like. I think my love for America is an unselfish, unpossessive, open-minded, and, obviously, a progressive kind of love.
I think America is so great I don’t mind sharing her with the world.
The morning was tough but less tough than it was originally supposed to be, so I’m happy. I got the work done quickly and found some time for a bit of reading and my little courses. My mood and self-esteem have improved though not by much. It helps that I can actually feel time moving along today. Yesterday I was at a standstill.
I’m convinced perspective is my problem right now. I don’t mean to say that all these bad feelings are just in my head, though, of course, they are. What I mean is, it’s real, but it’s fixable. I just need to do the hard things and tough out these difficult times. I have to remember to be proud of myself for the little efforts.
The afternoon was a different story. It was so frustrating I nearly cried but I came home to a loving wife, and pizza, and a nice hard cider all ready to go. The way a day ends can make all the difference.
Read 100 pages of Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert M. Sapolsky. I had been shooting for 200 a week but with my busy work schedule and the courses I’m taking I have to manage my expectations. 100 pages a week is less than 15 pages a day, totally doable!
Lisa Marie Blair 