We actually made it up and out the door before 6:30 this morning for a long-awaited camping trip to Deer Creek for some hiking. I have missed hiking in general but this trail was our first, the one I miss the most, and the one we return to to “get back into it”. It’s perfect for training Lola on trail manners and easy enough we don’t get discouraged but hard enough that we work up a sweat and feel rather accomplished by the end.

We brought some goodies to reward ourselves with at the loops end. Cured salmon, cream cheese, and red onions on top of mini bagels and a few cans of hard cider made for a perfect trail brunch before the long drive home. We spent the rest of the morning cleaning the house and once the sore muscles and fatigue set and the heat of the afternoon crept into the house, there wasn’t much we could do but sleep through til evening.

I got no writing, no reading, and no lessons done at all.

What a perfect Sunday.

Today was fun! We got up intending to do a little shopping (some new running shoes, gifts and an outfit for a baby shower, and hiking snacks) but we ended up with a lot more including new books, new running shoes, and other clothes. We bought lunch while out and brought home Hawaiian barbeque for me and a big juicy impossible burger for her and a large selection of hard ciders for us both. Though I know there will be regret later spontaneous shopping sprees are the best!

Finally, it’s Margarita Friday!

Tonight we’re heading out to blow off some steam with a few friends over good food and strong drinks. It’s strange that we all used to work together and now more than half of us have moved on but we refuse to grow apart or to take our little couples group for granted. Being together is often just what we need no matter how tired or anti-social we may think we feel.

I’m in an anti-social mood today. People want too much from me and nothing they say amuses, educates, or enlightens. I’d love to run away now, far away from them all. I want silence and to sleep. I want to get away from myself too. I feel sorry for myself and disappointed in all aspects my life, but I won’t lift a finger to change any of it.

I don’t write that to be negative. I don’t enjoy spreading my misery around and I don’t think it makes for good writing or reflection either; I write it because seeing it in black and white puts it into perspective. Sharing it shrinks it and reminds me how silly and ungrateful I am behaving.

Some days my moods and my fatigue are out of my control, and some days I could the day into my own hands, change everything, and make what I really want out of it. The trick is knowing which days are which.

I’m not doing a good job of making time for myself this week. I’ve been working more than I need to and what time I do make I don’t use in the way I should. The good thing is that since I worked so much these last few days, by Friday I should have a good 4 or 5 consecutive hours in the middle of the day that will belong to me alone.

I have no idea what I will do with them.

Work was chaotic today. We received news of a major shack up in staff structure and by lunch, I felt the place might burn down from rapture and riot. I did my bit of speculating and rioting but I’m worried and I’m watching and weighing my options. I have been for a while now.

I didn’t have a good night last night, but it did end on a happy, productive, and loving note. I slept well, woke up on time, and even made it into work early. I’m feeling better both physically and emotionally today than I did yesterday.

I feel more awake, aware, and, dare I say it, happy? It could be because I slept better or maybe it’s because I am finally about to finish reading Notes from Underground, The Double and Other Stories by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. This book has plagued me for months! I have never hated and loved a book at the same as much as I do this one. I’m exhausted! Just 18 more pages to go…

And I finished it! and just in time too. A coworker remembered I had asked months ago to borrow Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein and brought it to work this afternoon. It’s a nice change from Russian existential fiction and I fully intend to finish and move on to the next book within a week.

My hopes for achieving my 2019 reading goals are pretty low, but I thought I’d try reading a few shorter books and see how far I can get that way for a while. I set about searching Project Gutenberg this evening for free versions of titles in the Little Black Classics Box Set.

It’s cheating, I know, but a book is a book and I fully intend to purchase the set for aesthetic purposes, anyway. What’s important is that I am reading again, enthusiastically!

Icebreaker

And not just projects, but what other things do we struggle to say no to?

What kinds of things are we expected never to say no to and why are we expected to be so accommodating?

What kinds of reactions do we imagine we’ll receive if we were to say no and if you have ever tried what actually happened when you did and how did you feel after?

Have you ever reacted negatively when someone said no to something you asked of them, and why?

How can we learn not just how to protect our own time and our boundaries but to allow others to protect their’s as well?