“The truth is that there are two ways in which the future can become obsolete. One is through the inability to imagine the New: in this model, the idea of building a Tower never occurs to us; we are content to stay on the ground. The other happens when the New becomes so perpetual and unrelenting, when the construction of the Tower becomes so consuming, that we no longer have the luxury or the inclination to look up… You cannot have a future without a sense of the past, and there is no quicker way to make both obsolete than by insisting on the urgency and the singularity of the present.”
My energy levels are severely low and it’s hard to think about anything but a nap. I’m avoiding work, just doing a few small inconsequential tasks to keep my coworkers from bothering me and opting instead to spend most of my day exploring the new web version of the Slowly app.. This isn’t productive, I know, but at least it feels nice. I’m trying hard to stay positive and I’m doing my best not to be too hard on myself. This helps right now. I know it’ll get easier tomorrow and through the rest of the week.
Today is just Monday.
On top of the fatigue the bad news keeps piling on and by the end of work I was feeling exhausted and emotionless. Everyone I love is going through such tough times and there is little I can offer them. It hurts to see them hurt. It hurts doubly to be able to do nothing but watch. I feel guilty for my privilege and angry that nothing I have can be given to help another. I’ve accumulated so much worthlessness.
Work on one thing outside of my journal. Last week I failed miserably at this but I’m trying again and this time I’m making it even smaller. I don’t even have to finish a thing, just work on it.
Update: It wasn’t so much from lack of time or trying, it’s just that I spent too much time on my other goals. My energy and focus were limited and inspiration eluded me. Will try again next week.
Make something with my hands. I came across an interesting Instagram video from Matthias Brown showing some cool cut-and-paste techniques. Collage has always intrigued me and it’s time I get out my old X-Acto knives again.
Update: So, my “creativity room” is a damn mess and before I can make any art, I have to clear a space, remove all electronic distraction, and put my tools and materials within reach. My goal for next week is to clean up.
Read 200 pages. I still think this is doable but I have to not only make time for reading before bed but I also need to read on the weekends. I have to get up earlier and quit opening that damn Facebook app.
Update: I think I did this one. I honestly didn’t keep very good track but I read a lot every day and in my mind it’s a win.
Meal prep both overnight oats and breakfast egg and sausage bowls. The goal isn’t so much about making them, that’s easy, but to actually eat them and not get tired or let my body pull me along on cravings for donuts or worse.
Update: I’m actually really enjoying this one. So much so that I don’t think I will include it in my weekly goals going forward. I may have to find some other breakfast ideas though in case we start getting tired of breakfast bowls and oatmeal.
Update: I finished the week nearly halfway through week seven of ModPo but I didn’t realize that since I reset my deadlines for IWHHR I couldn’t actually complete the assignments until the 30th. I did do all of the reading, watched all of the videos, and took what quizzes I could through week 3 though.
Jog every other morning and in between, in the evenings, do a simple bodyweight workout. I don’t want to push myself too hard. Last week I ended up with some soreness and had to rest for days before I could get back to it. Just move your body more than you normally would and more than most people do.
Update: My biggest failure of the week. I didn’t work out once! It was from lack of sleep and from a poor mood also caused by the lack of sleep. I’m doing everything I can to fix it and I hope to be back up and moving as soon as possible.
Take advantage of all the hours I’m are being offered at work. Make the overtime worth it. This one isn’t exactly a choice, but a state of mind. It’s going to be a tough week, I know this, try to look at the bright side and remember to be grateful I have work at all.
Update: Yes, I worked my ass off last week though I’m not sure I’m happy about it. There were so many more interesting and fulfilling things I wanted to do with my time. Capitalism sucks!
This week is all about building on last week but just a little. It’s about keeping my stress levels low, no matter what, practicing self-care, and keeping my sense of purpose and perspective.
P.S. For a look at how I fared last week check out my updated goals for Week 38.
I spent most of the day in the kitchen prepping the week’s breakfasts and then cooking dinner. I cleaned up and did some laundry too. I love taking care of us and our home. I love doing these little wifely things (of husbandly things if you happen to be a husband who does them), domestic things I never thought I could love but that have increasingly been a source of fulfillment and peace for me.
Tomorrow is Monday and, weirdly, my easiest day this week. I have to work but I’ve got nothing specific scheduled to do, nothing urgent or difficult. Tomorrow I’ll take care of some small easy things and try my best to set aside time to do things for me. I know I won’t get the same chance until the weekend rolls around again.
The goals this week will be simple. Keep doing what I have been doing and do a little less of what I think I love but don’t really.
Hello! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I got up on at a decent time this morning but my body is still a bit sore from the return to jogging last week and my muscles are begging me to take it as easy as I can. I’m also not feeling super great emotionally which has more to do with the sudden onset of autumn than with anything going wrong in my personal life, though things are far from perfect there too. So, I’m staying in today to do laundry, meal prep my breakfasts for the next week, to just think, and to spend a little time with you.
Please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The chilly air is putting me in the mood for a hot cup of coffee this morning. I miss my old espresso machine but the Moka pot is close enough to satisfy the craving. Let’s talk about last week.
“Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.”
— Justina Chen Headley, North of Beautiful
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that most of last week was busy but not at all in a bad way.
Every other morning I woke up half an hour early to jog around my neighborhood. Every morning I have done this I have felt more energetic and focused, and my mood has been very much improved for the rest of the day. Every day I did this (and even the days in between when I rested and recouped) I was better able to avoid distraction and meet my reading and course goals. I got a lot done at work and even started early drafts of posts I want to share here.
I’m proud of the few days I got out but I wish in the days between I had been able to do some simple strength training at home. I’ve found quite a few beginner routines but this one from Nerd Fitness seems the simplest place to start. I know I can do it but knowing me, the best place to start is the easy place, get the schedule down and then work on building it up. Maybe this week I will be able to build on last week’s progress and add a couple more days of exercise.
In other health news, I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday and got nothing but high mark and good news. I’ve been given the okay to start tapering off of one of my medications and in a couple of months, I will lower the dose of the other. I get to stop taking the iron pills too though I do have to add magnesium, zinc, and peppermint oil. The goal now is to increase my fiber intact and continue healing my colon until I am not just inflammation free but maintaining a healthy diet and lifestyle.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that while most of the week was smooth sailing, but by Thursday and Friday I wasn’t doing all that great. I felt exhausted and like I was coming down with a cold or a nasty throat infection. Then I received some bad news about a close family member, something personal to them but for which I would have to step in and help with. Something that will take a lot from me to fix, maybe more than I can give.
I’m sorry to be so vague but this story doesn’t belong to me alone. I can say that it has been an ongoing issue, one that has caused a lot of worries and is starting to affect my feelings of self-worth and sense of stability.
Sadly, there are no good solutions but I’m trying to remember that the worst-case scenario might only be a temporary one and at best, helping will mean that people I love will be able to find their way back on their feet even if it means a small setback for me. For now, there is a lot of uncertainty and that is worse than any future I have imagined so far. I hope this week will decide one way or another what I am to do next.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this weekend was good at least.
We spent Friday night at my mom’s celebrating the birthdays of two of my siblings. We came bearing gifts, good wine, and food. My godmother came to and her oldest daughter and it felt like a proper birthday party.
Since my wedding two months ago I’ve been feeling a little antisocial. I have seen little of my family and this weekend reminded me I need to get back to our regular visits. My siblings and I have such special relationships filled with so much more than love. We practice acceptance and forgiveness and look to one another more like friends and mentors. Our family is a safe space and I forget too often how much I need that.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my father-in-law’s birthday was this week too and we spent Saturday evening celebrating him. We went to dinner at a Brazilian place where the carnivore in him found much satisfaction.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week is going to be far busier than this past one was. We have a new class of employees starting and at first I thought I wouldn’t have to help but as the numbers starting began to rise it became imperative that I clear my calendar to help. It’s not a bad thing though. I’ve been looking to work more hours and even get some overtime wherever I can.
I’m still getting used to being stand-by and working to find my footing in the new roles I have been working in. The expectations aren’t always clear and I carry constant anxiety about whether I am doing a good job. Every time I see my boss he assures me what I am doing is more than good enough but meeting with him are few and far in between and he isn’t my only boss.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that since this week will be so busy I am going to have to keep my personal goals light. I don’t plan on getting any serious writing done but I hope to work on my half pieces and share all the quotes and questions and pieces of art I’ve been saving up. I found some very cool collage techniques on Instagram this morning I’m itching to try myself too and, of course, as much reading as I can fit in.
With the season change and a new month on the way, I feel my priorities are changing. Summer has always been a time for me to connect with nature, gather new experiences and memories, to move my body and to soak up the sun while I can. With autumn moving in I feel more desperate than ever to be out of the chair and away from screens. What I mean is, don’t expect too much from me right now. When winter comes and there is nowhere to run but to writing then I will have more to show for myself, I promise.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sun is coming through the west windows and if I want to get these breakfast bowls prepped (I’m substituting sweet potatoes and chorizo) I had better get going. I want it all done before our shows tonight, before I have to “get to bed at a decent time”, and before I face the reality of how far away the next weekend is.
I hope you had a good week. I hope that you accomplished something you had hoped too and if you didn’t I hope you know you can always try again tomorrow. I hope you make time for you and wherever you are the sun is still warm, and you feel encouraged and safe.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
The few days of jogging I did last week are catching up to me. My left leg is useless this morning so I’m skipping the days jog and adjusting the schedule. I have a knee support sleeve, Tylenol (doc says no more ibuprofen), and plenty of muscle pain relief patches to fix me right up. I hope to be back in my running shoes by tomorrow evening.
This morning I’m catching up on some much-needed thinking time instead. I’m calling it mindful procrastination.
I hypothesize that sitting in front of a screen trying, and trying, and trying isn’t always the best way to make something. Sometimes you have to use your brain while you do other things, while you clean, while you talk to others, while you walk the dog, while you watch TV. Regular procrastination means shutting off, this is using everything around you as a stimulant, a source, and a space.
Happy Saturday everyone! If you’re looking for some interesting things to read and see while you kick back and relax, look no further, here are my favorite things from around the web this week:
1. “Our story is a tragedy. I know it sounds odd, but that belief does not depress me. It focuses me.” — Ta-Nehisi Coates, On Being: Imagining a New America
2. “There are plenty of well-documented reasons to distrust Instagram—the platform where one is never not branding, never not making Facebook money, never not giving Facebook one’s data—but most unnerving are the ways in which it has led me to distrust myself.” — Tavi Gevinson, Who Would I Be Without Instagram? An investigation.
4. “There is something peculiarly—even paradoxically—appealing about taking a dim view of human nature, a view that has become unquestioned dogma among many evolutionary biologists.” — David P Barash, Do human beings have an instinct for waging war?
5. “So mindful are we of the risks of selfishness, we run into an opposite danger: an abnegation of the self, a modesty that borders on self-erasure, an automatic impulse to give everything over to competing parties, a shyness about pressing oneself forward and a manic inability to say ‘no’ or cause the slightest frustration to others.” — The School of Life
6. “the thing beyond the body which is you is peeled back and massive barely anything at all” — Robin Richardson, Origin Story Ad Nauseam (via Grace)
7. “…it’s interesting and instructive that you’ve named your theory terror management theory as opposed to death management theory. It’s not about avoiding death. It’s about avoiding the fear of death.” — Shankar Vedantam, Hidden Brain
9. “That pain is incommunicable is a lie in the face of the near-constant, trans-species, and universal communicability of pain. So the question, finally, is not whether pain has a voice or appearance: the question is whether those people who insist that it does not are interested in what pain has to say, and whose bodies are doing the talking.” — Anne Boyer, What is the Language of Pain?
10. “It may be that life is just an example of Grover’s quantum search at work, and that this algorithm is itself a fundamental property of nature. That’s a Big Idea if ever there was one.” — An important quantum algorithm may actually be a property of nature, MIT Technology Review
Have you read, watched, written, or posted an interesting or inspiring thing this week? Has something on the internet made you feel strongly, think deeply, or see the world in a new light? If so, drop a link in the comments, we’d love to check it out!
I’m feeling pretty cruddy this morning. I think stress—and other bad feelings—are catching up to me. All week I had done so well getting up on time, going out to jog, getting to work on time, and keeping my spirits high, but today I can’t do any of that. Today I just need to feel.
Things improved.
Tonight we are going to my mother’s to celebrate two of my siblings birthdays. My wife and I came bearing gifts, good good, wine, and cake. I felt good to see them all and to make them feel special. I have a place and a purpose and life is not bad in every moment. There can bee good even while the the grip of the real world squeezes.
It started out as just a “challenging day”. From the moment I woke up I felt bad vibes in the cold air streaming from the open window above my bed. I got to work and all my well laid plans went out the door within minutes. I hate crisis. I hate reacting. I hate not knowing where I am going or what I am to do.
Very quickly it became a “hard day”. Work piled up and bad news came in through the phone. There are few ways out of the predicament and all solutions are bad ones. I’m not alone but we are alone. We know we must endure together but trying not to be at each others throats is exhausting.
By evening I was sure that what I was actually having was a “very bad day”. I’m falling apart and today I cannot hide it. I’m hurt, and scared, and angry, and it all comes from a place of love. I wish I was more for everyone but I am only me and that is why things go to shit so much. We are all only who we are though. It’s not a bad thing but that is no comfort either.
The bright side is I made it through. I’m trying to be grateful and to be optimistic but the best I can muster is the hope that whatever long term harm comes won’t last as long as my fears imagine.
Work on one thing outside of my journal. Last week I failed miserably at this but I’m trying again and this time I’m making it even smaller. I don’t even have to finish a thing, just work on it. 
Read 200 pages. I still think this is doable but I have to not only make time for reading before bed but I also need to read on the weekends. I have to get up earlier and quit opening that damn Facebook app.
Lisa Marie Blair 