What it Will Take

This year’s Earth Day falls during a time of great global crises and shared isolation and provides an exceptional chance for reflection on the state of the environment, to accept our responsibility for that state, to face the very real possibility of change, and to seize the chance to save what we have so easily forgotten and callously destroyed.

Since the novel coronavirus began sweeping across nations and citizens all over the world were ordered to stay home we’ve started to see what a world that is being given a chance to heal, a world with fewer humans, looks like. 

We’re not driving or flying, oil prices are plummeting, the air is clearing and so are our waterways, and wildlife is returning to areas it dared not venture when humans walked about. The human world, it seems, has to get smaller in order for us and the planet to survive.

My hope is that this time away from the all-encompassing need to work and to consume has not just reminded us of what is important: love, connection, health, safety, life, but also reminded us of what we need most in times of great stress and uncertainty, nature.

Nature soothes us: Walking around the neighborhood, through parks and places far away from people, we find the warmth of the sun and find hope and wonder in the budding trees and flowers blooming. When we do not have each other, it is the trees and wildlife around us that are our closest kin.

Earth Day is meant to be a celebration of this connection to the planet and an annual chance to renew our resolve to a more sustainable way of life, but each year the climate crises continue and model predictions more dire. Every year the water and air grow more polluted, ancient forests are further flattened, and whole species are wiped from existence due solely to human action and inaction.

Humans, as a species, do what we can to the Earth and not what we should for the sake of power and ego. We take ownership, we confine, we reshape and restructure; we alter and we kill because we can. We have placed ourselves at the apex of evolution and determined given ourselves domain over all and granted ourselves the inalienable right to do with this planet what we please and to shape the environment in our own mental image of what human life should be, can be. We’ve been able to do this for so long only because our right goes uncontested.

Now it seems all other forms of life depend now not just on the planet but on the benevolence and mercy of humans. Unfortunately for them, we do not connect ourselves to their plight and survival at all.

We do not understand that what we eat, kill, produce, buy, and throw away affects the water air and health of people and animals who live nations away and people and animals who live generations away too. We do not believe that our actions have an impact on the global ecosystem, nor do we believe our futures are intertwined with the futures of other plant and animal life.

We do not connect ourselves to nature because we have done everything we could to remove ourselves from nature. We’ve pushed nature out and away from us, considering any life or structure to be too dangerous to live near, or too useful not to claim as our own.

We have laid the land flat for our buildings and homes, businesses and landfills. We’ve dammed the rivers and mined the mountains hollow. We’ve pumped oil from the depths and refined and burned it to CO2, released it into the atmosphere, and strangled the natural flow of temperature, air, and current. We’ve punched a hole in the ozone layer and bleached the coral reefs. We’ve taken our power and done irreparable damage with it for the sake of more power and pleasure alone.

We have told ourselves a great lie, and it’s time we faced the truth. The truth is, you are connected by this planet to all life that existed and will exist. Your existence depends on the survival of all the life around you and there is no advancement in technology or amount of pure human will that will change that. If the Earth dies, we die. If the Earth dies, it will be because of our stubborn ignorance and cruel consumption. The Earth and every life form on it depend on all of us and you must internalize this for all our sakes.

The truth is, there is no “Planet B” and there are limits to our power. There is no hero on the way to save us and no miracle will manifest to undo what we have done. We will reap what we have sown in our own lifetimes and in the lifetimes to come. All we can do now is try to mitigate the harm, and even that will take a monumental shift of culture and consciousness. We have to be the heroes, each of us. We have to save one another and ourselves in small ways every day.

This year I am asking all of you to take ownership not of the land but of your small place in the ecosystems around you. Find power in the responsibility you have for that environment rather than in all the ways it can be utilized and monetized. Find your place in nature and resolve to save something in it. Start small. It’s better than no start at all.

Plant a tree. Build a bat house or a bee hotel. Change those old lightbulbs. Turn off the faucet. Buy more reusable products. Carpool with coworkers and friends. Volunteer to clean up a highway or a trail. Make some art. Write an essay. Sign a petition. Advocate, educate, protest, and most of all talk.

Talk to your friends and family about the Earth, about the beauty and wonder of nature, about where life came from and where life is headed. Talk about the damage we have done and do every day. Talk about what can be done and what will happen if nothing can is done. The best way to keep nature fully in our minds is to remind one another. The best way to change someone’s heart is to engage with them.

Talk about how we can take the lessons we have learned these past few months and apply them in smaller ways in the future. Perhaps four-day workweeks and more opportunities to work from home? More days a week that businesses are closed. More days a year we are encouraged to step out of our human worlds and instead to walk through the nature around us and take notice.

It will take courage and imagination but watching us all come together to make drastic changes and to trust in what we are told must be done to stay safe has proven we have what it takes to save this planet. It will take remembering what we have forgotten and doing the exhausting and hopeless work of loving something more than we love power and pleasure. We have to do it again and again, every day, as we notice ourselves falling back into old habits and easier ways of thinking.

We all have to do this because we are all guilty and if I’m being honest, I’m as guilty as anyone else. I eat too much meat. I waste water. I pollute. I forget where I come from. I get lost in the power and possibility of human intellect and forget the importance of the human heart. I forget I am only one link in a chain of generations. I forget that I made of all that has come before me and throughout my life; I am participating in the making of all that will come after.

And shame on me for forgetting. Shame on me for my consumption and for my waste. Shame on me for the harm I cause and the responsibilities I fail to take. Shame on me for my place in this grand pursuit of power and pleasure. Shame on me for the actions I chose to take and the actions I chose not too. Shame on us all.

But it isn’t all my fault alone, nor is it yours alone either. Just as we cannot always see the ecosystems we are connected to and our place in them we often fail to see the cultural, political, and economic systems we are a part of and how we are influenced and even controlled by them. The key is to learn to be mindful of both. Look at the human world and look at the world of nature, realize in many ways they are connected, and in many more ways they are one and the same. It’s a simple ask, but it’s the hardest thing a human can do.

It’s emotionally exhausting enough to empathize with people closest to us but to open our hearts and concern to other species? To future generations? To whole ecosystems? That is beyond the capability of one heart for a whole lifetime, and that’s okay.

Humans have evolved to have a certain amount of built-in selfishness. There is no shame in that. We needed it to get this far, but now it has become our weakness and a formidable one to overcome. Instead of expectation and every one of the nearly 8 billion human hearts on this earth to suddenly expand to encompass the planet, why don’t we ask that each of us just care a little more about the bit of nature that can be found around us?

We won’t always get it right but if each of us can start getting it more right right now then imagine how much better we all will be in a year, in ten years, in ten generations?

Imagine air and water that belongs to everyone. Imagine every animal and natural wonder with inalienable rights of their own. Imagine a world we do not own but one we belong to. Imagine a world not built for us, or by us, a world to share and cherish as a bright and blue gift. Imagine how far we might go if all the human love, imagination, and courage in the world were used for good.

Imagine that every day is Earth Day and eat, consume, build, buy, travel, teach, vote, connect, create, love, live and let live accordingly.


Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

112//366

Today, in an effort to enjoy some social interaction outside of the house we met a close loved one in the parking lot of Chipotle to to enjoy a nice meal and some pleasant conversation from the safe distance of inside of our own cars. It was strange but it was nice too. I think this is a small taste of what the future will be like. Of course, it won’t be so extreme forever but this time and terror will be with us for years to come. I may never feel comfortable being so close to other people again.

Yesterday I lamented the possibility of my wife returning to work in the coming weeks and today I am stressing about the prospect of me returning to work too. My boss sent out a series of emails this afternoon asking who had a mask and who didn’t and if we’d be able to return to work the week of the May 4th.

To be honest, I’m freaking out a little bit. I’m not just worries about the virus, but the precautions we are going to have to take are really going to complicate my work. Training already takes weeks as it is, but I may have to maintain distance, do one-on-one training, wear masks and gloves, and disinfect equipment between trainees. Calss time will be doubled at least. The good news is I probably don’t have to worry anymore about my pay through the summer and I might be able to get the hold up over my promotion figured out.

This next part is going to be scary, but it sounds like we’re going to take it slow. I just hope that if things get bad the powers that be won’t let pride or even optimism get in the way to turning back to keep us all safe.

Emotional Vocabulary

Feelings Wheel // Geoffrey Roberts (via swissmiss)

“I work with people who have limited emotional vocabulary and as a result the intensity of their negative emotions and experiences is heightened because they can’t describe their feelings (especially their negative feelings). That’s why this list is heavily focused on negative emotions/ experiences. Being able to clearly identify how we are feeling has been shown to reduce this intensity of experience because it re-engages our rational mind.”

— Geoffrey Roberts

111//366

I got my goals out for the week, but to be honest I wasn’t as focused or motivated as I wanted to be today and very little in the way of progress way made. This week will be off to a late start, but Tuesdays are as good a day to start as Mondays. I plan to get up early and to start my routines and rituals right away so writing can be a priority for the rest of the day.

The sun was out but my knee is still giving me trouble, so I couldn’t go for a walk like I wanted to. I’ll try again tomorrow. I have to get out and into the sun soon. I have to move these bones and stretch these muscles. I have to spread out in the world a little.


This afternoon my wife got an email prompting her and the rest of her team to discuss plans for returning to work next week. I’m worried it’s too early and terrified of the risk she may be taking as an asthmatic. I’m not even sure the Governor’s orders allow for her workplace to open and meet the requirements to keep everyone safe and healthy. I just don’t understand. Why do we have to get back to normalcy so soon?

FOr the rest of the world I somewhat understand. The system sucks, but it’s the system we are stuck with and money reigns supreme. Most of us can’t eat, keep our homes, have water, electricity, internet, or healthcare if we don’t go back to work soon, but my wife and I are not one of those people and neither are the powers that be deciding our fate. School is cancelled for the year and we are all still being paid. What’s the rush?

Goals // Week 17: The Earlier the Better

This week is the last before the state wide stay-at-home order here is Colorado is set to expire. I’ll still be staying inside for a few weeks more at least but the city will be coming back to life and I’m sure that life will find a way inside these walls, or maybe I’ll find a way out, just a little, if it’s safe. If I am safe.

Beyond that I want to make a renewed effort to focus myself and do more real writing: pieces that delve deep and reveal something about me, about us, about the world. I want to focus on real goals and spend less time passively watching and waiting. I want to spend more time being brave, being reflective, and doing what I know is right and good.

So, this week I will:

Wake up earlier. 7:00 AM is ok for weekends but Monday through Friday need to be work days again and the writing needs to start by 6:00 whether it’s blog posts, journal entries, a course assignment, a poem, an essay, or an idea for a larger project I just have to begin and the earlier the better.

Update: I set a new alarm for 6:00 AM but I had set it to vibrate only since I am a light sleeper and my wife is not. I didn’t want to wake her before her own alarm at 7:00. Most mornings I heard it and most of those mornings I was able to get out of bed. One thing I have learned is that the hardest part is getting up. After that, it’s easy to stay up…mostly.

Finish one week each of courses The Science of Well-Being and Memoir and Personal Essay: Managing Your Relationship with the Reader. I’m already behind in Memoir and Personal Essay because it got hard, and I started stalling but even though this goal is small, finishing these courses is one thing I’d like to be able to say I completed before the summer starts and I have to return to work.

Update: The Science of Well-Being is easy enough, I just wish I had access to a printer so I could fill out the handout and track my happiness and emotions as I work through the videos and readings. Memoir and Personal Essay is giving me a harder time since the first writing assignment prompt contained parameters I didn’t feel I could meet but then I decided to stop prying to be perfect and just try to be productive.

Clean my side of the “creativity room”. I write best from my desk but when the area gets too cluttered or disorganized, I migrate to the kitchen table, or the couch, or, worst of all, the bed. I can’t write or work in any of those alternate places without suffering severe distraction. The answer is to set aside one hour this week to

Update: My side is such a mess that I don’t even know where to begin, so I didn’t Most of it is post-it notes and loose leaf paper I’ve written a variety of notes on from writing ideas, to shopping lists, to to-do items, reminders, wish lists, and projects. Some pages contain a little of everything and most are so out of context I can’t even remember what past me is trying to say. My goal is to decipher, type, and organize as many of these notes as I can, but the task is daunting. Maybe next week…

Eat, sleep, move, and hydrate. I’ve been, as my wife puts it, forgetting I am hungry. I’ve been going to bed too late and waking up too late. I’ve been house-bound and sedentary. I can’t even remember when the last time I drank a full glass of water was. I’d like to start doing better. I need to start doing better.

Update: I ate, I slept, and I hydrated, but I did not move nearly as much as I needed to. A lot of the reason was laziness, but some of it is persistent joint pain that is making me feel old, invalid, and depressed. This week I’m going to buy a new compression sleeve to support my knee, one that is more comfortable than the one I have and can be worn when I work out or go for a walk. The added support should ease the pain and raise my spirits so I can be more active.

 Watch less mindless TV and more educational videos instead, or listen to more podcasts or music, or read a book. Do anything to keep time from slipping away so quickly. The point is not just to be mindful of how I spend my time, but to be mindful while I’m spending it. Bonus: Spend less time sitting and more time on my feet.

Update: I watch less TV but I still watched more than I’d like. Still, everything counts, and better is better than nothing at all. It helps that my wife is also trying to watch less and that I have binge-watched pretty much all the shows I am interested in any way. Now I just have a few I keep up with and only one episode each of those a week to watch.

Finish reading Borne by Jeff VanderMeer. It’s an easy read and I’m already over halfway there but finding the time, or taking the time I should say, to read has been hard these past few days. All I have to do is trade some Facebook time for reading time and I’ll be on to the next read in no time. Bonus: Read some Essential Essays about Feminism.

Update: This book is beginning to bore me and when I get bored with a book, I start avoiding it. The problem is, of course, that the book takes longer to finish. The fastest way out is through and if I am not going to be the kind of reader who quits books when I don’t like then I have to be the kind of reader that reads consistently and quickly. Get the book over with, then you won’t be bored anymore.

This week I will not do only what is easy and only when it’s easy. The hard thing is always the thing I know deep down I should be doing. Sometimes I read so I don’t have to clean. Sometimes I clean so I don’t have to write. Sometimes I write so I don’t have to work out. I do the things I want but never when I want to and this week I will not give up so much control to my fear and cravings. I will not use one goal to procrastinate on another.


Photo by Aldric RIVAT on Unsplash

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I woke up today and quickly realized that my knee was hurt bad. I think I irritated the joint while working out a few days ago and now it’s swollen and forcing me to spend much of the day seated and on ice. There’s a lot to do around the house though so I’m up on it as much as I can be. The kitchen is a mess. The bathroom needs cleaning. The laundry needs folding. The snake enclosures need attention. The plants need watering, and a lot more. I’m opting out of dinner cooking duties with the promise, the hope, that things will be better tomorrow.

It was a bad writing day again. I can’t think past the pain and the things I have to do so I spent my time doing those things and listening to podcasts to calm me and to sooth my loneliness while my wife works. The good news is I did just about everything I set out to do. The bad news is I still feel bad for what I couldn’t.

I’ll never quite get over how little Sundays feel like Sundays when Mondays aren’t anything like Mondays should be. The only thing that has stayed the same is how little I loath to start the week. The transition from weekend to work week is a painful and regular reminder that time is still passing away. With more time to think and more mental space to pay attention, I realize I miss days that do by. Perhaps this is one of those things we use work and relationships to distract from. I miss last week. I miss yesterday. I miss an hour ago.

I can’t imagine allowing myself to feel this loss on the scale of years.

If We Were Having Coffee // Making Time and Mental Space

This morning is a late and slow start, as most Sundays are no matter what alarms I set, promises or threats I make to myself. I stayed up too late last night alternating between binge-watching two different show (a new low for me) and struggled to rise more than halfway out of a deep sleep.

In that zombie state I hit dismiss instead of snooze and lost an hour of daylight and since yesterday was such a lazy day, I now have twice the cleaning and writing to do. Every hour counts now. I was able to get moving fast when I got out of bed and I’ve already knocked an item or two off the to do list. It’s time to take a break and replenish my caffeine stores and catch up with you.

So, please, pull up a chair, though not too close, and fill up a cup. The sun is back out again and we are looking at very spring-like temperatures. I think winter has finally been sent firmly on her way, but here in Colorado we cannot be really sure until May. I have a new cold-brew coffee maker but I forgot to fill it last night so we’re still having the warm light roast from the French press with sweet and frothy vanilla oat milk to smooth and temper the brew. Let’s talk about last week.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was yet another in a long stream of weeks spend holed up at home under stay at home orders from our Governor. I’ve been looking at graphs and trying to follow the cases and the deaths that way rather than watching the news and it seems the curve is flattening here and the Governor insists were on track to reopen the state within the next few weeks. I’m terrified that we are going back to normalcy way too soon.

It’s hard to put all my trust in the school administration, the local government, and the federal government, especially when you get the feeling that the longer the economy is halted, and people aren’t making money, the more putting people’s health and lives at risk feels reasonable. If I had to go back to work, I would worry the whole time about becoming one of the first to get sick in a new round of increased infections as all we achieved by staying home was undone.

Luckily, I personally won’t have to head back out quite yet. Since schools are closed for the rest of the year, I have another month at least before I might be asked back. I plan to continue social distancing until then and to keep a close eye on how the virus spreads through the phased reopening of the country and depending on whether cases increase or decrease I will decide whether I want to work this summer at all.

As scared as I am part of me wants very much to return to work as soon as possible though. I miss my coworkers and I’m anxious to find out just how much life will change once the world gets going again. There are already emails being sent from my supervisors about new protocols that will be put in place including one-on-one training which will result in a lot more work for me but guarantees a lot more pay.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that despite being isolated at home away from my friends and family, and an intense snow storm and record cold temperatures, I still managed to have a delightful birthday celebration.

My wife did everything she could to make it special. She made a big breakfast, and we had mimosas to go with it. We spent a lot of the day being lazy and watching our favorite shows and a few new movies until it was time to cook dinner. We made my favorite birthday meal, crap legs and artichokes, with plenty of wine and for dessert I had a delicious almond cake.

I got some pretty awesome gifts too. I got a bone-handled pocketknife with everything you need to carve your own design in the handle. I got a cold-brew coffee making carafe. I got a neat box of matches from Strike Your Fancy, and the gift I’m most excited about, my first longboard!

I’ve been wanting to learn how to longboard for years but I’ve been too scared to make the leap and get one, now I have no excuse! I have a small street and parking lot near my house to practice the basics and after that I hope this will be a new way for me to stay active and inspired to get outside more. I only hope I win’t look too stupid and that the critical voice inside me saying I am too old for such silliness is entirely wrong.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I have made the tough decision to take a break from these weekly coffee catch up posts and this coffee share will be the last for a long while at least.

Sundays are just so full as it is and there is a lot more I would like to do with them but between writing this and getting the cleaning done there isn’t much space for anything else. I have courses I would like to focus on right now and in the future even after I have to return to regular working hours and I have a lot more writing I want to do and if I want to make time and mental space I have got to let something go. I’m sorry it had to be these posts, but since I’m already posting daily updates, I figure this would be a good place to start.

I won’t be gone forever and you will still get plenty of updates from me. I’ve already been posting daily-ish journal entries and whenever I really start missing these chats I will come back. Maybe every few weeks or once a month or so, who knows.

I’m incredibly grateful for the Weekend Coffee Share community and I will still be checking in on all of you and reading your posts. Coffee is still a daily staple and on Sundays especially, that will never change.


If we were having coffee, I would tell you that lunchtime has come and passed and the slippery time of the day is already getting away from me. I want to try a little experiment today and see if time might re-solidify and start making sense if I tried getting off the couch and doing something new, something more physical with it.

I hope you are still safe and that you have been able to stay home for your sake and for the sake of others. If you are one of the many deemed too essential to quarantine, I want to say a most heartfelt thank you to you and to your loved ones for the risk you have taken for us all. We owe you all a better life after all of this is over.

Until next time.


Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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109 /// Nothing but Peace

I got out of bed early for the first time this week. I’m trying to squeeze an extra hour out of the day to look over my to do list for the day and start my journal entries.

It’s an hour before my wife and the pets wake up, so I have to limit my activities to keep the house quiet. It’s nice because it means I can only write or read and I can’t make coffee first thing when I wake up. I can only have water, which is much better for me, anyway. When she wakes up, the day can begin and the expectations start, those from her, from the world, and myself, but for now I am just me and there is nothing but peace. This is my favorite part of the day and I wish I was able to get up early enough to enjoy it more often.

Still, despite the early start and the enthusiasm, the words aren’t flowing as easily as I’d like. I’m stick on this assignment and growing more discouraged by the day. It’s been four now and I still can’t figure out what angle to take or how to go from this germ of an idea to a whole essay complete with paragraphs and a beginning and an end. I may try free writing but that sounds lame, or maybe I’m just being hard on myself.