We actually made it up and out the door before 6:30 this morning for a long-awaited camping trip to Deer Creek for some hiking. I have missed hiking in general but this trail was our first, the one I miss the most, and the one we return to to “get back into it”. It’s perfect for training Lola on trail manners and easy enough we don’t get discouraged but hard enough that we work up a sweat and feel rather accomplished by the end.
We brought some goodies to reward ourselves with at the loops end. Cured salmon, cream cheese, and red onions on top of mini bagels and a few cans of hard cider made for a perfect trail brunch before the long drive home. We spent the rest of the morning cleaning the house and once the sore muscles and fatigue set and the heat of the afternoon crept into the house, there wasn’t much we could do but sleep through til evening.
I got no writing, no reading, and no lessons done at all.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
This weekend I have done a good job of getting out of bed early but I will admit, I haven’t done a very good job of staying productive throughout the day. The early morning clouds and cool temperatures make it hard to get motivated but the heat rolls in quickly, wakes you up, and then exhausts you all over again. Today will be no different. According to forecasts, we’ll spend yet another day over the 90-degree mark.
But please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. It’s still cool enough for hot coffee now and I could use a change from cold brew. I’m putting the Moka pot on the stove and using a light roast coffee grounds because it is still summer, after all. Let’s talk about last week!
“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”
— Napoleon Bonaparte
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that today is a very special day today is the anniversary of the beginning of me and my wife’s long journey together as a couple. A journey we began 17 years ago. I’m not sure if other couples celebrate the anniversary of when they acknowledged they were a couple but since most of our relationship it wasn’t legal for us to get married, this day was all we had and it’s become very important to us.
But after finally getting married just under one month ago and looking forward to our honeymoon in the coming months, we aren’t much in the mood for a big celebration. Last night we spent the evening at the movies, one of our favorite ways to spend any evening but today we’re just hanging out at home together, eating junk food and drinking, of course, and watching more of our favorite movies.
We’re taking a break from the stress of these last months and doing our best not to think about the stress that will return with tomorrow. We’re taking the day to simply breathe and be, and to reflect on the last year and to dream about the one to come.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was a long one. It was the first week the kids went back to school and so the first week that my driver and I began picking them up. This route is the same one I’ve had for two years already so I knew all the kids and minus a few small hiccups, the route went very smoothly. The real stress came when I was off the route.
The hours spent riding the bus with the kids as an assistant are easy. I get to talk with them—when they are awake enough to talk—and when they aren’t, I can let my mind wander. The worst I dealt with this week was a bloody nose and a few parents who weren’t home to retrieve their child in the afternoon. It’s easy work, and rewarding when you have the children’s trust and respect.
When I’m not on the bus, I spend a few hours a day training new drivers and testing existing drivers on our Special Needs Transportation Policies. I help them use the equipment safely and I help them problem solve unique situations in student management. We’ve been short-staffed for a long time now and that means we are always hiring new people for me to train, and it also means I have to help out in other departments.
I worked a lot of hours last week, a lot more than I normally care too, but it felt good to help and, I imagine, it will feel especially good when my next paycheck arrives.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you I expect this coming week to be a little easier than the last but I don’t have my hopes up. So much is changing around me and there is very little that I have any say in though it affects me. My coworker is trying to get our positions redefined and as a result, the expectations and consequently the way I spend my days may change drastically.
I have no reason to believe it will be anything bad or anything that I wouldn’t want but my anxiety is whispering quietly in the back of my mind that whatever happens I will be stuck with and it’s also reminding me, in a voice growing ever louder about just how limited I am and just how easy it would be for everyone to find out I am not as smart or good as they think I am.
I’m countering the whispering with facts. The fact is, I am not stuck. I can pull back whenever I please. I can even say no if I want to. The fact is, I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t have to say yes to show gratitude and I should never feel bad for saying no to something that doesn’t get me closer to my personal goals no matter how good the opportunity looks to other people.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am trying very hard to get back some of my motivation and focus.
Though it may not look like it from your end, I actually had a better writing week than I have had in a long time. I’m working on the first essay of my essay a week project but like a brand new notebook or sketchbook in which the first page is the hardest to mar I find I cannot begin until I have a perfect idea and plan for execution.
Of course, I know this is impossible and I know that if I were to just begin, it would be so much easier to accept imperfection and instead move forward with progress and passion. I even have a note on my to-do list that says, “Do not stress about choosing the perfect topic since any topic is better than no topic and any essay is better than no essay at all.”
For the coming week, I have a detailed schedule and a plan. Each day I have just one thing to do to write this thing and the subsequent essays I have ideas for. I am telling you now because I am tired of talking about writing and about what kind of writer I want to be but never posting anything.
At the same time, I’m also trying to remember that my value as a(n aspiring) writer is not determined by what I post here and what I post here does not have to be all there is to me as a(n aspiring) writer
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my wife and I have long since switched from coffee to mimosas and now that the afternoon heat is creeping in through the west windows we are switching to cold beer. The couch is calling and I suspect we’ll soon be napping together with our cat and dog and afterward, I’m hoping for a Vietnamese food feast ordered for delivery. It’s going to be a perfect Sunday evening.
I hope you had a good week. I hope wherever you are the weather isn’t too sweltering nor too wet. I hope you have been sleeping well, eating well, and taking care of yourself. I hope you aren’t under too much pressure and I hope you know you can ask for help when you need it.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I managed to drag myself out of bed earlier than usual for a Sunday morning and I’ve made it from the bed to the kitchen for coffee, but not much further, mentally or physically. It was a late night and fatigue has been kicking my ass lately, but I wasted so much of yesterday snoozing on the couch that I simply cannot give over any more of my time to sleep. So, I’m up, watching the colors of the cloudy sunrise change through the windows and enjoying my first of many cups of coffee in the hopes that my mind and body will come online soon.
So, please, before my tired brain and bones give out on me again, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The clouds and the warning of rain are putting me in the mood for a hot cuppa but the process requires more energy than I can give, what a catch-22. So, it’s strong 24-hour cold brew over ice with a generous pour of vanilla almond milk instead. It’s not as satisfying, but it gets the job done. Let’s talk about last week!
“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.”
— Sir James MacKintosh
If we were having coffee, I would tell you it was yet another stressful week over here and, to be honest, half of that stress was knowing that the coming weeks are only going to go on getting worse!
It’s been years now that we have been struggling with employee shortages and though management assured us they would remedy the problem it seems things have only gotten worse. I think we are at a critical level now where there are so few people working that the work can no longer get done. We are at a point where band-aids like extra hours, overtime, promises, and speeches about teamwork are no longer motivating or inspiring people and we don’t know how to fix it. We don’t know how to turn it around. I feel in my bones what the problem is but I can find the words to express it, let alone follow it to a solution.
So, come tomorrow we are going to fail our best I guess. We’re going to lean on the ones who are left and I hope through the failure we can at least be kind to one another. Tempers have been short and when they flare light at the end of this stressful tunnel falls farther away.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that married life continues to be absolute bliss!
There have been a few wedding-related hiccups since. We still have wedding decor items strewn about the house and we have wedding decor items we still cannot locate. This weekend we were supposed to send out thank you cards but we haven’t been able to settle on a photo or a card style. Whenever she is ready to look I am too tired or overwhelmed to choose and when I am ready, she is usually busy.
I’m almost ashamed to admit it but we haven’t even mailed back our marriage certificate yet! It will go out this week and the thank you cards will be ordered too. We are both chronic procrastinators—always have been and always will be. Our personal life and projects are always on the back burner waiting for a time of less stress or more energy, but that time just isn’t coming and we have to make the time when we have energy not just for things like this but for one another too.
I’ll post more pictures soon but I know some of you have been waiting a long while now so here is a sneak peek from my photographer.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that though all around me at work there was chaos, in my own small tasks and scope there was much calm and certainty.
After weeks of worry and going through bidding, I was finally awarded the same route I’ve had for the last two years. I only have two new kids and though I’ve only met them just the once to transport them to their 9th-grade orientation, they seem like good kids. I still have a full bus load but all the others I already know from the year before and expect that any problems I encountered last year will have only improved as the students mature.
Tomorrow I will have them all together on the bus for the first day of the new school year. The new kids, and all the old kids who do not yet know that my driver and I will get to see be with them for another year. I’m excited to see their faces and to learn what they have been up to these last few months. Many of the ones I have been with for years already will be graduating this coming year and it’s quite a special thing to see them through the last of their childhood. I feel almost honored to be among the last people they will know in the district and among the faces, they will remember for the rest of their lives.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I had hoped to hit the ground running with my reading and goals as the new school year began but this past week was so chaotic that I had no energy nor mental space left for new words but I know that will change soon…just not this week either though,
The first two days of this week I have some very important and very time-consuming training to do and Wednesday through the rest of the week I have some small tasks but that will probably change.
Last week a coworker of mine spoke with my boss and between them decided to revamp his position and title and mine by extension without my permission. It doesn’t look like a lot will change, yet, but there is a strong possibility everything will change. I may be taken off of my route. I may be given new responsibilities, new hours, and a new set of expectations. As you can imagine, the worst-case scenarios are already playing on a loop inside my head.
That isn’t to say I am not interested in where this new role may take me, but I am a bit peeved I was pulled from my comfort zone without my permission. Then again, that isn’t quite true. I am not powerless and if I so choose nothing would change for me at all. I will have to take it all one step at a time and hold tight to my courage. I’ll have to speak up for myself and learn to let go of what I think others might want from me.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the sunset a long time ago and I have long switched from coffee to hard cider. It’s getting late and the sweet smell of rain coming through the west windows on the summer evening breeze is lulling me to bed.
I hope you had a good week. I hope the summer’s end still feels a long way off for you. I hope that you have managed to get out, get away, and focus on you and your own path for a change. I hope you are taking care of yourself, and that you and yours are, and continue to stay safe.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I’m feeling sluggish this morning and frustrated by my late start and fatigue but after a long night of drinking and seafood feasting in celebration of a friend’s birthday party I suppose it could be worse. I’ve gotten some food in me, taken a mid-morning nap, and started on a cup of strong coffee and I’m already much improved. I’m thankful today isn’t demanding much of me. I have a few words to write and some small tasks around the house. I think a good conversation and cup or two more of coffee should have me feeling well and productive in no time.
So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. It’s already hot outside and that means the temperature is rising in the house too so it’s cold brew over ice with a generous pour of vanilla almond milk over top. Let’s talk about last week!
“Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.”
— Ankita Singhal
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the news of both mass shootings in Ohio and Texas over the weekend has gutted and exhausted me. I would tell you that I have no idea what to do or say to help me, or us, or anything at all, but I know something inside of us, all of us as one a nation, a world, is so broken and what it takes to heal is to let go of our pride and I fear this is too much to ask from a proud species such as ours.
I’m sad for the wounded and the families that lost those they loved. I’m sad for all of us who are only further traumatized and terrified. I’m beyond thought or prayers and I have no interest anymore in discussions or debates. I’m hardly posting about it or talking about it, to be honest, because I can see that unless we take a radical step one that says we value human life and that we can change enough to try to protect it nothing else matters or means a damn thing.
We’re beyond words. We are at a place now where we will accept our nation as it has become or decide we have become something too horrific to allow to go on and we will change.
I really hope we change.
If we were having coffee, I would move to lighter, more personal matters, and tell you that my work week was quite a long one.
We’re preparing for the school year to start next week and training a large group of new employees at the same time. The new group is so big we had to bring in trainers from the other locations in order to get the job done. Having that many people in one place who are used to doing things differently meant that there was a bit of tension and few flares of emotions but on the whole, I am very proud of us all for getting the work done.
I feel bad for being kind of a hard-ass all week though. I’m burned out on being a leader and asking my team to step up and though I think they understand it’s gone over as a bit of a shock, in a bad way. It’s hard, as a woman, to be the one who has to ask more of others. It comes off as nagging. I appear bossy, emotional, and, I worry, lazy. I may be projecting my own insecurities. I know that they do get it even if they may not like it.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you this coming week will be just as busy and stressful as the last but in a very different way. Tomorrow I have more training to do but this time with existing employees to prepare them for the start of the year. I have people coming in every hour until lunch and when I’m not doing that I still have trainees from last week that need a little more one-on-one work.
On Tuesday we have our annual legally mandated 8 hours of collective training which means all the employees coming together to sit in a big room to listen to lectures, watch videos and presentations, and enjoy some free lunch. It means willing myself to stay awake while I learn for the 13th or 14th time how to do my job.
Every year we have a guest speaker or two. It’s the best part of the day because we get an outside perspective and a reminder that we what do is so important enough that we should always to try to do it better. Last year a woman came in to talk about sensitivity toward our LGBTQ students and this year I think we’re getting race and cultural diversity training.
My hope is that people really take it all in and take it into their personal lives. I hope they use it to treat everyone they meet with respect.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that after the big training day it’ll be time to start practicing my route, not that I’ll need to do much practicing. This will be my third year doing the same route with the same driver.
Still, I’m nervous. There will be new kids coming onto the route that I haven’t met and they may have needs that are hard for me to meet. Working with kids requires a lot from you and not everyone has enough or the right things to give. I don’t always have the right things to give that is why I choose the routes I do. I have more to give the older kids, or I have up until now. Now, and this time every year, I worry that I will get a kid who I can’t give anything to. I don’t want that for me, or for them.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week will be my wife’s first at her new job, and the first week in 13 years that we won’t be working together. I’m so excited for her. I’m so proud of her and, to be honest, a little jealous too. Jealous of her for moving on, for moving up, for being so respected and wanted. I’m jealous of her new workplace and new coworkers who will get to see her every day from now on and reap the benefit of her intelligence and professionalism.
But what I feel isn’t important right now. I’m doing everything I can to be as supportive and encouraging as I can. She’s scared and coping with impostor syndrome. I know adding my sadness and insecurity to her emotional load won’t help either of us right now. So, I’m coping too. I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the other, go one doing what I do best, and giving her the space she needs to grow.
I can’t tell you how much I’m going to miss seeing her around the place.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that so far married life has been amazing. It’s only been two weeks but the love I feel and the love I am receiving not just from my wife but from all of our friend and loved ones have been so overwhelming and wonderful. I’m trying hard to hold on to every minute of it. I’m doing everything I can to milk it, to drag it out, and to really feel it.
One good thing about her new job is that we will have more time together. At least, that is the hope. There won’t be any more late nights or long weekends. At least…that is the hope.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it has somehow gotten very late and I very much need to get myself to bed if I want to have any hope of starting my work week on the right foot.
I hope you had a good week. I hope you are having a good summer and that wherever you are you feel like your year is beginning again too. I hope wherever you are and whatever you are doing you are safe, that your loved ones are safe too. Hold someone close and allow yourself to be held too. We are all we have after all.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
It’s late I know, and I know I’ve missed the last few coffee dates already, but I hope you will understand life has been more than a little chaotic lately. As we neared our wedding day I had to devote more and more time to planning and last-minute changes and decisions. Then, a little over a week ago we finally did it! We said our vows and ever since I’ve been living in a glowing bubble, but things are slowly calming down and I am slowly coming back to reality. I slowly learning to make time for me and all the things I enjoy again.
So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. It has been extremely hot around here lately so it’ll be cold brew coffee over ice as usual and we’ve made the switch from soy to almond milk. I hope you don’t mind. It’s been a long time and I have so much to tell you. Let’s talk about last week!
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
— Jerry Seinfeld
If we were having coffee, I would tell you again because it hardly feels real. I got married last Saturday, and it was the most beautiful experience of my life.
Of course, things went wrong, and of course, it still turned out perfectly. For weeks I had been checking the weather for our day and for weeks the forecasts predicted sun and temperatures so high I worried about my guests getting heat exhaustion during the ceremony, but just two or three days before the big day the forecasts began to shift rapidly from 30% chance of rain to near-certain thunderstorms the morning of. By the afternoon, just as we pulled up to prepare for our first look large raindrops began to fall steadily. The sky darkened, and we heard thunder rumbling closer.
I waited on a small bridge facing our photographer, chatting and silently praying the rain would stop. She kept me facing her as my wife-to-be walked toward us. When I felt her steps on the bridge behind me I turned and saw her looking more stunning than I had ever seen her. I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by her beauty and by my relief at having her near me again, and all around us, the rain picked up its pace.
As we worked our way through the family formals, the lightning moved closer; the thunder kept getting louder, and very quickly we realized the area wasn’t safe. Of course, on the other side of the park, our planner had just finished setting up the chairs and decor for our outdoor ceremony, my dream ceremony.
We headed into the rec center nearby and wait out the rain, but the rain only continued to fall harder and faster. After the parking lot began to flood, I knew we couldn’t wait it out. I very reluctantly made the call to our planner who very quickly agreed we should move everything indoors. I was devastated. We had to reach out to our entire guest list and give them new directions. Our timeline was in shambles and my vision for the day was ruined.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as down as I was about the change of plans, our ceremony actually turned out beautifully. In a way, it was a blessing. As much as I wanted that open, sunny, outdoor ceremony, I think the ceremony we ended up with was so much better. Our venue was small, dark, and honestly had much better sound and lighting. We kept it dim and everyone sat very close and it felt so serious, special, and intimate. It really set the mood for the evening.
After our ceremony, we had dinner, which was delicious, and speeches, which were all heartfelt and heartwarming. We cut the cake, danced with our parents, danced with each other and then danced with everyone we could, but there wasn’t enough time. Before we knew it, the night was over and we were being ushered off to our hotel. It was a whirlwind. It was wonderful. I’m so glad it’s over and at the same time, I very badly want to do it all over again.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that besides the vows and the party the best part was having all our friends and family come celebrate with us.
In the week leading up to the wedding, we had our closest family members come in. My wife’s (God, it feels good to say that) sister and her boys, my sister, her husband, and her two kids, and my very pregnant sister and her very sweet boyfriend came to visit us and having them here along with my brothers too made the day feel like it was about more than just us. We felt supported. We felt important. We felt loved, not just by each other, but by a whole community of people. We felt exactly the way I hoped we would.
And now they’ve all gone back to their home states and more than anything I just want them back. I wish, more than anything that we didn’t all have to live so far away.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the relief of not having to plan a wedding anymore was almost worth the stress of planning!
The next morning I woke up, and I didn’t have to decide one thing. I didn’t have to make any calls or send any emails. I didn’t have to worry about the weather, or the timeline, or the seating. I woke up, and I wasn’t nervous or irritated. I woke up, and I was married and I didn’t have to do anything at all. It was the best I had felt in months.
It’s been great but returning to normal life hasn’t been easy either. I’m still recovering from all the wedding planning and the big day itself. I wasn’t able to take care of myself very well in the weeks and days leading up to the wedding and though I’m a week out, I’m still trying to reverse some bad habits. I’m not sleeping or eating well, and I’m consuming far too much caffeine. I haven’t been taking my medication consistently at all and I can feel my health going slowly downhill.
Now that I have returned to day-to-day worries I have to make space to worry about myself again too.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that married life so far is strange and wonderful and familiar. Nothing has changed but everything has changed. Or maybe everything has only grown. We’ve become closer and better. We’re even more us than we were before. I didn’t even think that was possible.
It might be temporary but I doubt it. We’ve been together for 17 years now. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs and I think overall we will only keep growing closer to one another. Getting married, for me anyway, has just meant more validation and security. It’s safety and when you are safe, you can grow. That is what the next stage is.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s getting pretty late. The sun went down a long time ago and though I’m not tired at all; I know I have to try to get to bed if I want to try to get to work in the morning.
I hope you had a good week. I hope you have enjoyed your summer, and that you found time to do something beautiful, heartwarming, and bigger than you too.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Today was a strange day. I got to witness the Colorado Renaissance Festival and though I found it impressive and charming, I also found it to be bat shit insane. I’m glad I went, but I’m confident I will never have to go again in my life.
I had no time to write again today, and I doubt I will for the foreseeable future. No coffee share post this week and next week is even more questionable. I’ll simply say now that the week was long but good, and the weekend was even better, almost perfect. We’re still working hard to plan and on top of the wedding, there are more big changes to come. Big changes that are both good and bad, or rather scary. Big changes I can’t talk about, yet.
This week will be stressful. I’ve known that for a long time and accepted it. I’ve accepted there will be sleepless nights, worn nerves, and even a few angry blow ups and lots and lots of tears. I’m ready, I think.
I can hear the fireworks going off around the neighborhood again. I guess it’s that time of year. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and between the sudden summer heat and the nightly displays of patriotism, I’m sure I won’t sleep well again until August…
I’ve decided not to go into work tomorrow since we have the walkthrough and it’s easier to stay home than to rush home for the dog beforehand. I want to stay up late since I know I don’t have to get up early but I’m trying to be mindful of what my body needs and to practice self-care while my stress levels are so high. I’m leading by example and by need. The stress is affecting our health and it would be a shame to end up in the ER or to rack up any medical bills before the big day.
So, it’s back to basics. We’re going to bed on time, drinking lots of water, meditating, and going for walks. We’re eating meals, eliminating snacks, and getting away from the T.V. more. We’re holding each other accountable to prevent procrastination and guilt. We’re looking out for each other, being patient with ourselves, and accepting what is out of our control.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
We’re meeting for afternoon coffee today. I was up early this morning but we had to head out soon after to meet with our wedding planner and a potential D.J. and after we met with my future mother-in-law to go over decor and flowers. It was a stressful morning, but good too. We got another thing or two knocked off of the to-do list, though 4 or 5 more were added in the process, sigh.
But we’re home now and for now, we’re resting, physically and mentally. The clouds are rolling in and there’s finally a breeze blowing through the windows. I’m ready for my second cup of coffee for the day.
So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. Summer has finally arrived so we’re strictly drinking cold brew over ice in this house and will be through August. Let’s talk about last week!
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
— Jerry Seinfeld
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the last day of the month has snuck up on me and it seems everyone else too. Suddenly summer break is half over and suddenly there seems to be so much to do.
To be honest, though, I’m very much ready for July. Throughout the year there are many new beginnings, especially when you work for a school district and though the kids won’t return for over a month more, July 1st is our technical turn over to the new school year. I’m ready for another beginning especially after a month where I felt as exhausted and over it all as I did this past June, especially this past week.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I was busier this past week at work than I have in any week I can remember.
This past week my training team and I were tasked with teaching not just the hands-on/equipment side of things, but also the classroom/policy side of things as well. So instead of working with a new group of employees for 3 hours a day, we did 7. We had to learn or make up much of the teaching process as we went along and to schedule and assign work on the fly. I think we did well considering the difficulty and our inexperience and I am proud of us all for being able to keep our tempers in check and to laugh the most frustrating aspects of the week away.
At the end of July we have another class as well and though no one has asked us to teach the classroom side again, we all are willing to volunteer to go through all of this frustration again not because we particularly enjoyed it, but because we think we may just be good at it and because what we teach makes a difference in the world. We want to do it because it feels good, and the truth is not many people can say that about the work that they do.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that though this week was a stressful one it felt like the last easy week, we’ll have before things get really stressful. After today the wedding will no longer be “in July” it will be “this month”. In just a few weeks I’ll have a new name. In a few weeks, I’ll have to check a different box when asked about my marital status. Soon I will be answering to Mrs. and referring to my girlfriend, finally, as my wife.
This week we worked out a lot of little things, and a couple of big things too, but no matter how much we do there is always so much more left to decide and to plan. We’re pretty much panicking at this point, but we’re trying to remember that no matter what it’s going to be beautiful and no matter what, we will be together through it all.
This week we have a big walkthrough day scheduled for the reception space with both the caterer and our planner which I am so nervous about. I just feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I don’t know what to ask, or what to request, or what I want at all. I feel like other people, mostly strangers trying to make money, are the ones I have to listen to and it’s too late to ask for more time to think. Still, having those who know in the room is comforting too. The weight of responsibility on my chest is lifted even if the one on my wallet remains.
We’re also finalizing my attire and making sure everyone else has theirs too, and getting our music selections figured out. I mentioned we met with the D.J. and with just weeks left to go we want to make sure he has the best chance to make our lives easier on the big day and that means sitting down and deciding, finally, on the songs that will mark the most important moments of our lives.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that one of our biggest wedding worries was what to do with our dog. I had hoped she could be part of the wedding but because we opted for an indoor reception, we just couldn’t make it work. So we found a place for her to stay that had lots of room to play and live webcams for us to watch her while we were away, the only problem was she had to do an interview day and meet all the socialization requirements to be accepted and Lola has never been very good about meeting new people in unfamiliar places.
I worried that she would hate it or worse, bite someone or one of the other dogs and they wouldn’t accept her but she did no such thing at all. In fact, even though she was very nervous and not much in the mood to play with other dogs, she took to the trainers very well and spent the day following the humans around and doing her own thing. She passed her interview day with flying colors and has been cleared to attend day camp with the other dogs and to spend the night there whenever we need. I am so proud of her!
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I while I had hoped to have my first essay for my “essay a week” project all typed, edited, and ready to post, it looks like I may have failed before I could even begin.
Technically, I haven’t since my goal was to post a piece for the first week of July and since the first week of July technically begins tomorrow, I technically have 7 more days to get it together. I have a topic, and a few quotes and questions to answer, I just haven’t had the time to write. I haven’t gotten my ass in the chair to get it down on paper, yet.
I’m taking tomorrow off, and my goal is to wake up early and begin, and go one until I feel I have something I can mold into a final piece. My goal is to have typed between 2,000 and 4,000 unedited words by the end of the day. I don’t think it’s too much to ask from myself.
I know that it isn’t just other obligations, or even exhaustion holding me back. Sometimes even when a project excites you, it can still terrify you too. I’m afraid to fail or to say something stupid. I’m afraid of finding out I’m no good, or of having nothing useful or interesting to say, but I’m trying to remind myself that writing is not something I do for others. I would write—and do write!—even if no one will ever read anything I say. I write because I just like to write and I am writing essays because I just enjoy writing essays, that is all and there never needs to be any more to it for me to go on.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that dark clouds overhead and the rolling thunder I hear in the distance, the storms that roll in so regular this time of year you can tell the time them, lets me know that the evening has begun. It’s time for dinner, and our Sunday night shows. It’s time to enjoy what’s left of my weekend and to get ready for Monday.
I hope you had a good week. I hope that you are coping with the summer heat and that you found some time for fun and sun. I hope that the middle of the year will find you well tomorrow and that you can let go of whatever was holding you down and holding you back in the first half of 2019.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I’m up later than usual today having forgotten to turn my weekend alarms on but my mood is at least much improved and I have more energy and feel more motivated than I have in many many days. So, though I don’t plan to leave the house today I still have a busy day ahead. My house desperately needs cleaning and I have more wedding things plan, and, when there is time, I’d like to write something and make time for some self-care things too. It feels good to want to do things again and coffee is only helping. Today is a good day.
So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The temperature outside isn’t very summer-like (and hasn’t been all week) but I like to pretend so I’ve got the drapes open and the heat turned up, and we have a strong cold brew and vanilla soy milk over lots of ice to complete the illusion. Let’s talk about last week!
“I decide to turn to my old faithful solution to all that is wrong in life. Coffee.”
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was another long one. Work wasn’t bad or anything it was just busy. In fact, I was reminded that having to do something isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes the thing you have to do, even if it’s a work thing, even if it’s with coworkers, and even if it’s not exactly what you would choose to be doing, it can still be fun, if you let it.
This week my whole team got together including the other trainers from the other terminals to prepare for our first time training a class all on our own. We’re all very nervous, especially me, but I’m trying to remember that I am a professional, I am knowledgeable; I am quick thinking, flexible, and fully capable of teaching others. Plus, I will have help. It won’t all come down to just me and that even if I were to mess it up completely, I will still get through it and everything will be just fine.
The good thing is I won’t be alone and it won’t all come down to just me. The other good thing is we are all well prepared. We spent at least three hours a day for three days going through the PowerPoint presentation we are going to give. Our biggest problem won’t be what to teach or even how to teach it, but how to fill up a week’s worth of hours when what we teach only takes a couple of days. Luckily, I may have found help for that too and if everything works out, there will be other trainers to take over and I’ll get to spend my afternoons relaxing.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week had some sad moments too. My very favorite boss (and one of my very closest friends) found a new job in a place he hopes will leave him feeling less stressed and more appreciated at the end of the day. I’m happy for him but it’s going to be hard not seeing his face every day. He made the place feel like a home away from home and had a way of putting a smile on everyone’s face. He made us want to be a team.
Lately, it seems like everyone is leaving. I’ve been at this job for close to 13 years now and I used to walk in and see the same faces day after day year after year, but now I walk in and everyone is new. Now I walk in and I’m the “old timer”. I start to wonder if I should leave too. I have no real reason to except to seek out more pay but I wonder if it might be nice to be a newbie again somewhere else. I wonder if it might feel good to begin again and not be so known.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this weekend I had no plans at all. There are a few small errands to run and some wedding decisions to make but for now, we are taking it easy.
The highlight was Friday night when my wife to be and I spent the evening at my second suit fitting—which went wonderfully!—and reconnecting over spontaneous and much-needed dinner and a movie date night. We ate at the Whole Foods buffet and saw the new zombie comedy The Dead Don’t Die. The movie wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t for me, and it didn’t help that we had bad seats, but it did help that we had a few cocktails.
I spent most of the weekend retreating from the world and resting. I’ve been struggling with fatigue for weeks now and as this past week was the worst I have ever been. I never felt rested and having to work through it made me irritable and sensitive. Every day after work I would come home with big plans and to-do list and every day I found myself curled up on the couch napping with the dog sometimes for hours.
I’m not sure what is causing it. It’s either a side effect of my medication or an ulcerative colitis flare rearing its ugly head because I have been too inconsistent with my medication. It’s hard to remember to take so many pills throughout the day, you know? This week I’m going to try harder though. I can’t get better if I don’t start by taking my care seriously, and only after I am following doctor’s orders to a T can I begin to tweak the regimen.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that besides my very busy and very nerve-wracking work week, I’m looking forward to finding time to write and to read. I’ve fallen very far behind in my 2019 reading goals and though I’m not sure that I can make it up, I still want to get my ass in gear and try. It would help if I would start carrying my book with me wherever I go again and if I would make time before bed for a few pages at the least.
Writing-wise I am hoping to get the first essay in my new essay a week project drafted. I will be honest with you though, the chances of me beginning on time are pretty slim. I have been procrastinating and whenever I sit down to begin; I feel lost. I’m trying to remember that this is supposed to be fun. I’m trying to remember it doesn’t have to be perfect. I think once I start it’ll get easier but we both know that the first post, the first page, the first of anything comes with the highest expectations.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that while I am enjoying this time to chat with you, I can feel that fatigue creeping on again. If I want to get a cat nap in before it’s time to cook, to watch my Sunday shows, to get ready for the week and to get to bed on time I had better go now.
I hope you had a great week. I hope that you are feeling well and taking time to take care of yourself. I hope that wherever you are summer has really begun and that you have gotten out to see the sun and breath some fresh air.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
I’ll be honest with you, after a late night out last night, I am moving terribly slow today. I’m proud of myself for rising before 10:00 AM and further for getting a couple of things cleaned up around the house, though not as much as a typical Sunday for me. In my defense, it is also Father’s day and since we’ll be heading to my fiance’s parent’s house for the day I am rather limited on time. Considering all that, I’m doing pretty good!
But, quickly now, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. The weather is feeling much more summer-like than the last few weeks and I got a big strong batch of cold brew that will go perfectly with the late spring breeze coming in through every window. Let’s talk about last week.
“but isn’t there always one good thing to look back on?
think of how many cups of coffee we drank together.”
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was such a very long one. I worked my usual hours at my usual location two days this week but I also took three days of classes at a conference I was invited too.
The conference wasn’t at all what I expected or hoped it to be and next year, if I am invited back again, I will opt to take very different classes than I did this time around. It wasn’t that they were boring, uninformative, nor were the instructors ill-prepared or incorrect on any point. The problem was, I knew all the information I was presented with already. I’d been learning it, and teaching it for years myself. I had hoped to learn something new. I was hoping for a challenge, a mind shift, an Aha! moment, something to bring back to my team that would enhance or add to what we already do, but I found nothing like that at all.
I did appreciate the refresher though and two of the instructors I had differed greatly from one another and helped me clarify my own training philosophies and techniques either in agreement or in staunch opposition with theirs. And if nothing else I at least enjoyed the change of pace and I was grateful and honored to be chosen as important enough to attend by my own district.
By Friday I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Many of my coworkers attended the conference along with me and some of them had very different ideas about what our purpose and place there was. There were moments when I was frustrated and moments where I felt embarrassed. I was a hard week and I am glad it is finally behind me!
If we were having coffee, I would tell you this weekend is a very special and a very busy one too.
Friday night after work my wife to be and I spent the evening watching movies, painting our nails, doing face masks, eating breakfast tacos and doing shots of tequila together to kick off Denver’s Pridefest weekend. The week had been hard on both of us and we needed a little self-care, a chance to blow off steam, and a moment to celebrate ourselves!
Saturday we were up early, more self care more taking time to be with each other and to breathe. We walked to the light rail station and headed downtown in the early afternoon to meet our very best gay friends for a day and night on the town.
The day was a perfect one, too hot at first but it quickly cooled down just enough to make us really appreciate the contrast. We walked for hours buying or winning special rainbow edition merch and sharing gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches and cans of beer. We had burgers and cocktails for dinner and enjoyed a game of drag queen bingo where both my fiance and I won even more special edition rainbow merch to take home.
Last night we partied. We danced and drank, playing jumbo versions of Jenga and Connect Four, and just enjoyed being a part of our community. I’ll be honest, I may have enjoyed it a little more than I should have and I am feeling it this morning. I don’t regret a single thing.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that wedding planning is still moving ahead steadily but we are definitely feeling the time crunch. We’ve just over one month to go now and it seems like no matter how much we check off the to-do list there is always more and more left to go. We are over it!
I’ve said it plenty of times here but we really just want to be married already. We want to be a married couple and that is it. The more we do, and decide, and spend for this event the more I realize that the cliched “it’s your wedding” response to any complaint or frustration is a lie, or at best, a half-truth. It is my wedding but I no longer believe it is for me.
That isn’t a bad thing, though. A wedding, I’ve come to believe, is a gift instead. A gift you pick out, sure, a gift that tells your unique story, sure, but a gift nonetheless, a thing you give away.
This day is for my guests, and our community, our friends and family and supporters. This is how we say thank you, how we show our appreciation, and how we give something back. That is why I feel so much pressure and why I am willing to do so much just to say I do, I want to give back something truly thoughtful and beautiful.
This week we’re going to just keep on matching forward the best we can. We have a lot of little loose ends to tie up over transportation and attire and we have to get going on some of the big DIY projects. We’re also going to apply for our marriage license this week!
If we were having coffee I would tell you that, work wise, next week will be the last easy one before a very hard one I’ve been dreading since school ended. The week after this all my bosses will be off and it will be up to me and my team to teach a new class of employees. I’m beyond terrified but my team is eager to step up and I’m hoping that means at least an even distribution of teaching time.
Writing wise I’m going to start fleshing out some essay ideas I put together last week and working on the execution of my creative project. I found a neat little instructional article on how to write a 3,000 word essay in a day and though I don’t plan to write them all in a day (some I’m sure will be impacted by my chronic procrastination) I thought the step-by-step process could benefit me over the course of days and help me keep going and keep up with my goal.
I’m also getting back to my MOOCs and promising myself to make some reading progress. I know that after this week I may have to scale back again to make room for wedding things as the date draws closer and for work things as we get closer to the end of the summer.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there are dark clouds on the horizon and good smells coming from the kitchen which lets me know it’s getting late and time for me to go be with family.
I hope you had a great week and that you were able to find the balance between the work you must do for others and the work you must do for yourself. I want to wish all the dad’s out there a happy Father’s Day too. I hope you feel loved and celebrated today.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Lisa Marie Blair 