“The point of ‘doing nothing’ is to clean up our inner lives. There is so much that happens to us every day, so many excitements, regrets, suggestions and emotions that we should—if we are living consciously—spend at least an hour a day processing events. Most of us manage—at best—a few minutes—and thereby let the marrow of life escape us. We do so not because we are forgetful or bad, but because our societies protect us from our responsibilities to ourselves through their cult of activity. We are granted every excuse not to undertake the truly difficult labour of leading more conscious, more searching and more intensely felt lives.
The next time we feel extremely lazy, we should imagine that perhaps a deep part of us is preparing to give birth to a big thought. As with a pregnancy, there is no point hurrying the process. We need to lie still and let the idea gestate—sure that it may one day prove its worth. We may need to risk being accused of gross laziness in order one day to put in motion projects and initiatives we can feel proud of. ”
What if we measured true success not by the amount of money you have but by the amount of human energy you unlock, the amount of potential you enable? If that were our metric, our world would be a different place.”
The fatigue has returned. The day was easy on me and the people around me were understanding and undemanding and still I struggled to keep up. I crave sleep and where I couldn’t get it I at least craved solitude and silence. I got neither but thank God for headphones. At least I could tune out the undesirable and listen to music to music to match my mood.
I spent a lot of time reading in the afternoon. I made the mistake of trying to read four different books at once in a desperate attempt to make up as much lost ground in my reading goals as I can, but I am beginning to doubt the strategy. Not because I don’t like the books, or because I feel overwhelmed, but because now all I want to spend my time doing is reading those books. I suppose there are worse ways to waste time.
The evening is better. My wife and I cooked dinner together, something new, savory, satisfying. Tonight feels like another Sunday, not rushed, not stressful, and tomorrow the week will be a day closer to done.
Today was actually kind of a bad day, a rare occurrence for the weekend, but it was one of those bad days that while sad, and stressful, and hard, leaves you feeling grateful underneath it all too.
It was a bad day, but it wasn’t just my bad day. It was a bad day, but I wasn’t alone. I was supported and loved and I gave support and love too. I know bad days are inevitable but I wish every bad day could feel like this. I wish everyone, if they had to have a bad day, at least got to have bad days like this sometimes too.
Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.
This morning is off to a slow, sad start. My anxiety levels are high, my energy is low, and my emotions are feeling rather raw but I’m trying not to wallow. It’s always been the case that the more use I make of myself the better I feel so I’m working in spurts to clean up the house and to gather the motivation to run a few errands. I have some doubts about how far I will get but I’m hopeful that a cup of coffee or two and a bit of stimulating—and perhaps comforting—conversation will at least turn my mood and outlook around.
So, please, pull up a chair and fill up a cup. It seems the last of the miserable days of summer are over and though I’m tempted to put the Moka pot on the stove, it’s easier to pour from the cold brew carafe in fridge Let’s talk about last week!
“The best Maxim I know in this life is, to drink your Coffee when you can, and when you cannot, to be easy without it.”
— Jonathan Swift
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that in the three weeks since we last sat down to chat a lot has been going on.
At work I have been far busier than I’m used to. I’ve been working in a new role recently and though it has been exciting and empowering, it has also been nerve-wracking. I’m suddenly wholly responsible for how I spend my day and while that means I now have time for what I think is important, it also means learning how to be self-motivated. I’m struggling to know when it’s a good time to start working and to know how to keep working. Sometimes I get that much right but then I don’t know when to stop working either.
In addition, the expectations have been somewhat unclear but I’m trying to look at it from a different perspective. I’m trying to remember to be grateful and to take full advantage of the opportunity I have been given. I have the freedom to choose what my purpose is!
The key, I think, is to take it slow but at the same time, I also have to find my strength, my place, and my voice and quickly. I have to know what I am doing even if I can’t yet do it. I have to know my direction, even if I can’t yet move.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that my weekends have been considerably busy too.
The long hours also mean that everything has to be done on the weekends. Then in mid-August we picked up hiking again, and it’s hard, after an exhausting climb, and a few beers as a reward, and a long restorative nap, and then trying to take care of family, and the house, and to make more time for one another before the work week starts, after all of that, it’s hard to find time to write. To make matter’s worse September has always been a hectic time for us. Most of our loved ones celebrate birthday’s this month, including my wife, and one of my little sister’s is expecting her first child this month as well.
Last weekend I was busy flying to South Carolina for her baby shower. I went on my own, my first time in an airplane since I was maybe 8 or 10 years old. I was worried I would hate it but I found take off to be thrilling and the flight itself to be breathtaking.
Seeing my sister was wonderful, of course, but I felt incredibly out of place down there. I loved being with my sister but I missed my home, the mountains, the dry air, the hipsters, the bikes and the dogs everywhere.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that after my flight back into Denver last weekend my wife and I were able to spend a little time together for her birthday but it just didn’t feel like enough to me. She has had such a stressful year and I am so proud of her for getting through it taking the first step toward what she wants out of life.
So, this weekend I planned a whole day for us to do a few of her favorite things. We woke up early and took the lightrail downtown to the Denver Art Museum for their September free day. For lunch I found a new deli to have a good sandwich and a couple of cocktails before heading back home to nap the rest of the afternoon away. We woke up early evening to get ready to head out to a fancy Italian dinner with our closest friends and afterward we all went to see It Chapter Two together at our favorite movie theater.
The whole day was a surprise. I wanted her to have one day in which she didn’t have to plan or choose one thing. A day all for her to feel important, appreciated, and loved. I hope I succeeded. I hope I can give her many more days like that too.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week looks to be just as busy as the last but this time I have a plan to take time for myself. I set aside a few short hours of each day Monday through Wednesday to write or read and if my schedule holds I should have almost all of Thursday and Friday to myself too.
I’m still sitting well behind where I should for my reading goals but I haven’t given up at all and I’ve already surpassed the number of books read last year. This week I hope to finish Ethics by Baruch Spinoza but I know I will only put another small dent in the weighty Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert M. Sapolsky.
Writing-wise, I have no goals. I want to get back to my schedule though and try again to post something real here. It may be best to shelve the pieces I haven’t been able to find my way to finishing and try something else. Still, part of me thinks the best thing I could do for my creative self is to push those ugly, half-formed drafts out into the world and finally be ride of them. Even if they are incoherent and insignificant at least they won’t weigh on my so.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it has somehow taken me all day to say these small things and not that the coffee mug has been replaced with the wine glass, and the sun has given way to the Waxing Gibbous moon, it’s time for me to say goodbye.
I hope you had a good week. I hope wherever you are these last throes of summer aren’t rife with either merciless heat or flooding rains and rising tides. I hope that you found time for you and that you found time for those who make you feel important, appreciated, and loved too.
Thank you for chatting, for being an ear, a shoulder, and a sounding board.
Until next time.
Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.
Today I attempted to plan a perfect day for someone else. I felt like my wife, who is always doing so much for others and planning everything, deserved a day doing things only she loves and a day in which she didn’t have to worry or think or decide what comes next.
I planned a day for her and inadvertently experienced my own perfect day. Perhaps it’s only because we enjoy so many of the same things. Perhaps I failed in my endeavor and actually planned my own perfect day instead (this is very possible) or perhaps just seeing her happy and knowing that she knows how much I love her is what my perfect day really looks like.
Lisa Marie Blair 