Tag: Sunday

If We Were Having Coffee // A Happy Birthday Weekend

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

This Sunday I am up late and in a definite hurry. We have an appointment to take engagement photos a few towns over this evening so that means I have just a few short hours to get ready for tomorrow. Thank God the weather has turned around. The sun is shining, and it’s already warmer out than it has been in many days. I don’t think I could take another day of winter. Thank God for this cold brew too which is the only thing giving me any hope through today’s awful anxiety and doubt.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. I’ve no time for the Moka pot so blond cold brew it is. I promise you it’s good and I promise it will get the day moving.

Let’s talk about last week.

“When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”

— Helen Hayes

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week was certainly a busy one. I started off by finishing up the work I had begun the week before. The new class of employees at work were ready for testing and a few need just a little more training. In addition to my route, I made sure they were all knowledgeable enough and confident enough to go out and work with our very special kids.

After that work eased off, but I had a lot of personal reading, writing, and learning projects I needed to catch up on. I’ve been taking a Modern & Contemporary American Poetry course on Coursera and while there seem to be no concrete deadlines for the quizzes or assignments I’ve set my own expectations and fallen behind.

I also needed to give The Double by Fyodor Dostoyevsky another chance. It’s been a hard book to start and more than once now I have read the first 10 pages and put the book back down to pick up something that resonates with my life experience, or the way my mind works a little better. Still, I am determined to get through it. Even in the first 10 pages, I can see the value of the book. This time I have a plan and a deadline in mind. This time I won’t give up.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that on Thursday I had hoped for a snow day since we were forecasted to have another bomb cyclone blizzard but the conditions needed just never materialized. The snow started too late, and the temperatures had been too warm. The system stalled, and we all had to go to work the next day.

All in all, though, it wasn’t so bad. I made the most of it where I good and employed patience and a detached attitude where it was needed. Not even being put on a delayed schedule—in which the kids go to school anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half late—really ruined my mood. The worst of it was that through it all it was still only Thursday.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Friday was tough. The week had been long, my driver was out, and on top of it all, I agreed to help out by doing a route segment I’d never done before and transport kids I’d never met. I was very anxious, but I got to work with my girlfriend too and that helped.

Friday night I was ready to start my “birthday weekend”! My youngest sister (by 15 years!) picked me up for a night out. We ate Hawaiian barbeque, we went book shopping, and we went out for ice cream. SHe planned and paid for it all which made me feel so proud and grateful. She’s a good kid, and I must be doing something right as a big sister to be treated so well.

Saturday I had my “perfect day”. It’s what I do every year on my birthday, though each one is a little different. I plan my perfect breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. I plan my perfect outing, and I buy myself something small (sometimes the something small turns out to be pretty big) and I spend the evening watching as many of my favorite things as I can.

This year I started with a bacon and egg breakfast burrito with spicy salsa. For my outing, I went to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science to check out the new Leonardo da Vinci exhibit. I had pepperoni pizza at Whole Foods for lunch and for dinner we made “king crab legs, roasted artichokes, shrimp and parmesan pasta, and plenty of butter, lemon, and garlic to cover all, oh, and a bottle of sweet Riesling to wash it all down”.

After dinner, we watched the new Donald Glover film starring Rihanna, Guava Island and ate coconut ice cream with strong coffee. I ended the night by watching Starship Troopers, one of my favorite films, for the 100th time.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this coming week should be another easy one. I have some small lingering work things I want to mark off of my to-do list but I’m hoping I’ll have plenty of free time to work on some big wedding things I need to get started on.

My fiance found her wedding dress last week, so it is my turn to pick out my attire. I’m not wearing a dress so that means it’s time for me to settle on a suit and get fitted. To be honest, I’m pretty terrified and at this point, I’m refusing to have any friends or family present except my fiance. As a queer woman it’s sometimes scary to enter men’s spaces just to find clothing you feel like yourself in and the more traditional the space the more nerve-wracking it can be.

Our invitations should arrive tomorrow and we’ll spend Monday evening putting them together and hopefully, if there are no errors, they’ll be out in the world by Tuesday. I have a ton of vendors to follow up with and deposits and payments will probably have to be made. Our rings should be ready by week’s end and on our way to us all the way from Australia.

Things are coming along and we are taking them one baby step at a time.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s time to head out to our photography appointment. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us and Sunday traffic is always worse than you imagine it will be.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope you are well and happy. I hope that you were able to overcome whatever set you back and that in the coming week you will make quick and significant progress in whatever way you need.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

097 // Sunday Isn’t Enough

I’ve never been good at Sundays, I’ve always known this, always lamented this, but something has changed. Now, I think, I never want to be good at Sundays. I am fed up. I am giving up on everything Sunday is supposed to be.

Sundays should not be peaceful days to while away reading, walking, resting with our heads in the clouds or lounging on couches. We should be up in a panic, rushing, worrying, frantically trying to hold on. We should be fighting and wailing against the not just the end of the weekend but against a society in which we are given so little time to rest, to create, to ourselves.

I don’t want Sundays to be enough to get me through until Friday. I want more.

These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

If We Were Having Coffee // Beginning the Birthday Celebrations

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m exhausted this weekend. The week has been long and though I got through it fine—with the help of pure determination and copious amounts of caffeine—but my body has come to its limit and crashed. Yesterday I could hardly leave the couch. Today is better but not by much. Coffee helps and being able to take the day slowly keeps the threat of a bad mood at bay.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. It’s day’s like this I miss a good strong espresso but two or three cups from the Moka pot should provide the same results.

Let’s talk about last week.

“When I get up early, I appreciate the quiet time to enjoy a coffee or water my plants.”

― Christina Tosi

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this week started off low-key but by the end, I was exhausted and stressed out of my mind.

I had expected a slow work schedule but by Tuesday my boss was telling me that a new class of employees would start and I’d have to give up the free time I’d hoped to spend on reading and writing and put it to use for work instead.

To be honest though, the work wasn’t bad. This class was a good one, collectively both smart and entertaining. I was even happy to see that they were all women.

It’s certainly rewarding to train people who struggle and who, through your help, come to understand and excel at their job, but there’s nothing like the refreshing feeling of teaching people who get it right away, who can easily understand your mind and reasoning and align their train of thought and belief to yours automatically.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that despite all the stress and the work I have been feeling so much better lately. I have some of my old natural energy back and I’m feeling like my old self too.

I’ve been on my new medication for a little over a week now and while I don’t know for sure that the sudden improvement is because of the medicine but the timing matches up. Other explanations can be the sudden return of Spring and the aforementioned increased anxiety. Either way, I’m finally feeling good, mostly.

The energy seems to come and go suddenly. One minute I’m ready to keel over and sleep wherever I am and the next I’m bouncing off the walls. I’m struggling to get out of bed and get ready in the morning but by my usual nap time I’m ready to go for a run or do some jumping jacks. I’m talking fast and jumping from one subject to another mid sentence for no reason and as soon as someone needs me to make a decision or complete a task my mind is powering down and refusing to work.

I’m trying not to get too frustrated. Energy levels that fluctuate are better than energy levels that stagnate. I’m grateful to have moved from the latter to the former, I just wish I had more warning, or that the changes were more gradual so I could plan and shift accordingly.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that on Friday we had a big party at work for one of my bosses who has accepted a new position at another district. We are all very happy for her, of course, but the occasion was palpably bittersweet.

I think every work place has that one employee that always comes in with a smile. Every company has someone who seems to run on endless energy and who never tires of their day-to-day drudgery. THis person can sometimes annoy us. Sometimes we are sure something must be deeply wrong with them, but no matter what we think this person doesn’t care. They go on making the office their home and treating everyone like family.

The boss who left, she was one of those people and now that she is going we all realize that there will be quite a big hole left behind. There is no one else who has the same persistence, the same joy, the same way of making us all feel good the way she did and we know that as good as this opportunity will be for her, all of us will be left behind and left worse off by her going.

Morale may be headed off a cliff if someone doesn’t step up and step into those shoes soon.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that there has been more big wedding planning progress made.

My fiance went wedding dress shopping and, from what I have been told, found the dress of her dreams! We aren’t sticking to many traditions but she’s adamant that I not see her dress until the big day. I’m okay with that, though I felt admittedly jealous I missed all the fun. At the same time I’m so happy that she found the perfect dress the first time she went looking.

We also have new rings on the way. Both of us have engagement rings but one is the wrong size, and the other isn’t of the best quality so we’ve opted for new ones that match (without being identical) and that we know will last a lot longer than our first set.

We got our catering proposal. It isn’t exactly what we had in mind, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. The options are growing on us and after a few tweaks we may be able to finally move on to the smaller but much more numerous items.

Invitations will go out within a week or two and after that, one way or another, we are putting on this event. There is no turning back now which is both encouraging and terrifying.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the coming week will be the start of my birthday celebrations. I don’t have very big plans this year, just a day at the museum, a few dinners, and a night of dancing.

I have plans for a small sisters only dinner on Friday and on Saturday here is a huge Leonardo da Vinci exhibit at the Museum of Nature and Science I have been dying to see. Sunday we’ll be in the foothills doing a mini engagement photo shoot for our wedding website.

The weekend after this I’m planning a big dinner for all of my friends and a night out dancing at our favorite gay nightclub. I’m excited but this is the first year that my birthday is not the biggest event I am planning. The wedding has eclipsed everything.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the caffeine wore off a long time ago, and my willpower is waning as well. I need to lie down for a nap before the evening falls and I have to begin preparing for the week.

I hope your week was a good one. I hope that you are well and that the passing of the first quarter of the year finds you with much accomplished and leaves you with motivation and inspiration to carry you through the season.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

090 // Sunday Night Rage

As usual, the weekend flew by too quickly and, of course, I didn’t get to even half of the things I’d hoped. My next chance won’t be for another 5 days now and, at this moment, looking down the long length of those five days, I’m filled with righteous indignation. Five days of every week I must give up and just two are left over for me? Half of which I need to use is in recovering from the five!

Sunday nights and all the required preparation only remind me how bleak and pitiless this reality really is.

These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

If We Were Having Coffee // When She’s Gone

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

It looks like my morning is starting in the early afternoon today. I woke up with an earache and exhausted bones so after making it to the kitchen to let the dog out then in then fill her food bowl; I turned back around and followed the same sleepy path back to the bed. Two hours later I was up again and through cold brew coffee, loud music, and pure determination I am moving about and getting myself and my house ready for another week.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. You’re welcome to the cold brew or a hot cup from the Moka pot but hot or cold all I have on hand is a light roast. It’s a nice compliment the spring sun shining through the open blinds.

Let’s talk about last week.

“When I get up early, I appreciate the quiet time to enjoy a coffee or water my plants.”

― Christina Tosi

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this past week was an interesting one. It was educational, sad stressful, lonely, and full of tiny little victories.

On Sunday we got the sad news that my girlfriend’s grandmother had passed away. This is one of those stories that isn’t mine to tell but I will say my heart is in pieces for her and her family. I wish I could have known her grandmother, but I never got the chance to meet her. Once again we are taught the lesson. Talk to the people you can while you can because people leave this Earth every day and you don’t have all the time you think you do.

Monday and Tuesday I got the chance to attend a statewide conference for work. I learned a few things and my task now is to bring back what I have learned and incorporate it into the training we do for new and existing employees.

Much of what I saw we are already doing so what I took away more than knowledge was an emotional impact. For one, I met many people working for other districts who are doing exactly what I’m doing in mine. Until now I have felt somewhat alone in my position.

My position isn’t a prestigious one. I’m rather low on the totem pole but I’m passionate about what I do and think despite the low prestige having people in my position that care about the issue and responsibility is critically important. It was refreshing to meet others who feel the same way and do their work enthusiastically and from the heart.

I also sat in a presentation that gave me a lot of hope for the future of our schools. When I was a teenager I struggled to cope with my emotions and to relate to other kids my age. I was angry and; I know now, very depressed and back then the only way to deal with angry and depressed kids was to suspend them until you could send them somewhere else and then to keep the expectations placed on them so low that they graduated without any skills, emotional or academic.

I was lucky. I dropped out instead and found my own way, but there are so many who were neglected and abandoned by the system.

The presentation I saw was on moving from the suspension, detention, and isolation disciplinary system to one that teaches reflection, responsibility, and restoration. I was nearly in tears imagining the way a younger me would have thrived under that system. The woman who spoke told us that their aim is to make each school into a small community and to teach children how to live in it by connecting them to that community. It’s bittersweet and so beautiful.

I hope every school moves to hire teachers, administrators, and support staff that can be open-minded enough to do better by their students than was done by them.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that Wednesday my girlfriend left town to be with her family and attend her grandmother’s funeral.

I never do well when she’s gone. We’ve lived together for something like 15 years, and since we work at the same place, on the same schedule, and doing nearly everything together, I struggle when I have to be on my own for more than a day. I’m just bored mostly, and I miss her a lot, and I lose most of my motivation to cook, or clean, or do anything but read and sleep. I make it sound worse than it is, really.

I did manage to get a lot of reading done since I rarely watch T.V. without her. I finished One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, my 7th book of the year, by Friday and loved it. I’m already ready to read it again. I was thrilled by the news that Netflix is going to make it into a series. I hope they stay true to the book and include every beautiful and terrible event.

I started Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge and though it’s about as far from Márquez’s magical realism as I could get it’s very good. I’m having a hard time putting it down this weekend and expect to finish within days.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the other issue I have when my girlfriend is gone is having to drive. I mentioned it last week but for those new to my blog; I suffer from terrible driving anxiety. I dread having to get to and from work or anywhere else on my own.

My girlfriend is understanding, though it is hard on her and she would like for me to be more comfortable behind the wheel, but when she is gone nothing can be done and I have to push through it. My heart was pounding, and I was nauseous with nervousness every day but I have to say, I did really well. So well in fact that I almost enjoyed it!

I’ve been waiting for some kind of breakthrough. I’ve been waiting to feel motivated not just by shame but by possibility, joy, and pride. I think I’ve had that breakthrough. Working through this fear has become something I want to do, not just something I need to do.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, my girlfriend is flying her way home to me now and that means getting I’d better go. I have to start cleaning this house out of its current sad and stale state.

I hope you had a good week. I hope you are well and that the weather is improving, and that you got to smell the spring air and feel the warming sun on your skin. I hope the new month finds you well this week and that you can meet it without regret or panic.

Until next time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyjePkCk3SY
Move // Jazz Spastiks feat. Apani B Fly

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // A Dumb Fear to Have

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’ve never been good at mornings but this morning is especially slow. My body isn’t cooperating and my mind is even more useless. Coffee is helping though and I feel my bones waking and loosening with every sip.

The sun is helping too. Spring has definitely sprung here in Colorado quite suddenly and without fanfare as if she had been here all along. Being able to open the windows and let the warm air in is doing wonders for the Sunday soul.

So, pull up and chair and, please, fill up a cup. I’m sorely missing my old espresso machine today but the Moka pot is on and a bit of coconut cream in the bottom of the mug will smooth out the texture and flavor. Let’s talk about last week.

“Chugging coffee this morning, not because I’m tired, but because it’s so damn good, for some reason. It might be the lingering feeling of actual sunshine, or a good night’s sleep. I don’t know, and I don’t really care. Take the good when you get it, and just enjoy it.”

― Thord D. Hedengren

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that last week was my Spring break but instead of a whole week off I only took two days. With the wedding coming up, and the snow days from the week before, I just felt that a whole week of pay was too much to sacrifice for a little free time.

I had hoped for a week of easy work, the typical stuff I do but with fewer people around. I hoped to put in my headphones, catch up on a few podcasts and make progress on my courses. Oh, how wrong I was.

I ended up being “volun-told” to help out in our hiring department making phone calls to prospective new employees. I was to help them fill out applications and once the applications were complete, I scheduled them for interviews. My anxiety levels were sky-high, but I did my best and my best turned out to be pretty damn good. More than that, I actually enjoyed it.

I called nearly every person in the stack they gave me and scheduled all the interviews I could. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked on the phones, over 10 years, but I was good at it then, and it all came back to me last week. Empathy, patience, and communication have always been the areas where my strengths lie.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have made a lot of wedding progress this week. We now have our ceremony site permit, two photographers, a caterer, and an officiant. We have our colors settled on and my fiance has an appointment to try on prospective dresses in the next couple of weeks.

Things are moving along. I just hope we can keep this momentum going. We’re easily overwhelmed and prone to long stretches of procrastination.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I can feel my health is going downhill though I can’t tell if it’s all in my head or not.

My joints are stiffer than usual. The ache all day and if I push myself too hard they are throbbing painfully by bedtime. I’m still losing weight but not rapidly enough to panic yet. Just under 10 pounds in the last couple of months though I haven’t changed my diet, nor have I been working out more, yet. I’m afraid to push my body any further.

I’ve still not started the medication my doctor prescribed for me because I am still caught up in the bureaucracies of the health care system. I’m being asked to be patient without being given any explanation but my gut is telling me that my insurance company doesn’t want to pay for this medication. My gut is telling me that when they do call, I’ll be told to try something else first and all this stress and patience will have been for nothing.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as I type this my fiance is receiving some rather devastating news. There has been a death in her family and she’ll have to leave the state this week to be with her family and say goodbye to their loved one.

My heart is breaking for her and I wish I could go along to help her through this time but to make arrangements for the pets and for work with such short notice would be too much. I’ll have to accept that this is something I cannot fix and offer what small comfort I can from afar.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I hate whenever she has to go out-of-town, not just because I will be alone, but because I will have to drive.

For my new followers who may not know, I have a pretty severe phobia of driving. Even thinking about it now is making my heart rate increase and my palms sweat. My girlfriend is quite understanding about but it hasn’t been easy for her to take on most of the responsibility of transportation for both of us. Of course, when she’s gone, I have no one to help when it gets hard. When she is gone I have to be brave and fight myself while operating a moving vehicle.

I know I’ll be okay. I’ve driven to and from work, and to the grocery store, and many other places plenty of times, but somehow it never seems to get easier to get behind the wheel. In the winter I am especially averse to driving and so it’s been a little while for me. I have to get used to it again and quickly before she goes.

It’s a dumb fear to have, I know, but that doesn’t stop it from being real and it doesn’t make it easier but I’m determined to be brave especially after this week when my fears came up at work and I felt, once again, embarrassed and ashamed to speak my truth. So, I have to be brave not just in facing my fear, but of owning it too.

The truth is that hiding makes it easier to stay stuck and hiding makes me feel worse and worse as the years go on. I’m done hiding, and I’m done being afraid. I want to move past this and I know that once I do there will be nothing left that I can’t overcome.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that, now that the day is nearly over and the evening is ready to settle in, it’s time for me to get up and do all my Sunday things.

The conference starts early tomorrow and being across town (I’m carpooling with coworkers) means I have to get up a lot earlier than usual and that means I need to prepare more and better for the coming week than I normally would. Everything has to be ready.

I hope you had a good week and that wherever you are the sun is shining and you feel loved. I hope you made time for you and that we can all face our fears and overcome them too.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo courtesy of Barn Images

If We Were Having Coffee // The Storm Before the Calm

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

I’m feeling slow today. I had some energy for the first hour or so after I woke, but I’ve fallen sharply downhill since. I’m sure I need a nap, and that there is not enough caffeine in this house to chase the need away, but I’m also sure I’m going to fight it anyway. Sleep has been hard to come by at night. Caffeine has nothing on anxiety, and a nap will only make things harder.

So, I’ll stay up and chat with you instead. I’ll open the blinds and let the sun in and pour us cup after cup and tell you everything that’s happened this past week.

“Through drowsiness, your body is telling you that you need to rest. By drinking a caffeinated drink, you are telling it to go to hell.”

― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I started this week off by deciding not to start it at all. Sunday night I went to bed feeling as though I’d come down with a cold. I had a sore throat, a cough, I was feeling fatigued and my head was full of pressure. I was convinced I was sick and decided even before I drifted off that I would take the next day off in order to rest right away and get well sooner.

When I woke early Monday, I’m not sure I felt sickly so much as I was just tired, but I still felt the conviction from the night before and called in sick convinced I was on my way to a bad cold. Then, hours later, I woke again and found that I felt perfectly fine.

I have no explanation except that either I was coming down with something and fought it off while I slept, or perhaps my mind manufactured a cold so that I would take the action I needed but felt too guilty to take. As in, I needed a mental day and my mind made it happen. It’s possible I think.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I was delighted to return to work on Tuesday and find that much of the work my team had been trying to complete was already done. I helped wrap up a few loose ends and then spent my free time outside to soak up the sudden spring-like weather we were having.

By mid-afternoon that same day anxiety was running high across the entire state. The rolling weather reports for the next day were so unreal we laughed them off. Our phones were buzzing with blizzard warnings and by early evening we have received notice that schools across the state would be closed and all Coloradoans were advised to stay indoors the next day.

Wednesday morning the rain started and for a time we thought the storm wouldn’t turn out as bad as predicted, but by lunch, the storm had become something we’d never seen before. Soon the whole city was shut down, including all our major highways and every airport runway. Downed trees, power outages, and severe car accidents, were being reported and a multi-day recovery was expected and we were given an additional snow day to assess the damage and dig out.

Compared to others we fared pretty well. Our internet was spotty all day, but we never lost power. Our trees and our fences held up but our mailbox is at a slight tilt now. The snow at the bottom of our front step was up to my knees and clearing out sidewalks and driveway was a painful chore I am still recovering from.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that while we were snowed in, I took the opportunity to do some small blog things.

I have a new Now page up to keep track not just of what I am doing now, but what my priorities are and what opportunities I am open to and I created an MOOC page to keep track of and share all the great massive open online courses I’m taking. I also revamped my Portfolio. I didn’t add anything but I hope to soon.

I’m working on a few more pages like these, and like my Am Reading page and my 100 Dreams page. I have a page drafted for all the people I want to study, and another drafted for “Site Notes’, a detailed explanation not of who I am but what this blog is.

I’d like this blog to be a recording and inventory of my life and who I am, all my thoughts and everything I do. I want it to be fully mine and I want to pour myself fully into it.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the rest of the week was rather uneventful. It was strange to return on Friday after two days away and one from a whole week off. No one felt like being there, not even the kids. No one asked for more than the bare minimum and we all did our best to get along and get through it. 

On Saturday I got to see my dad. I haven’t seen him since before the holidays since our schedules never seem to agree. We went to my favorite Mexican place and caught each other up on everything we’ve been up to, work and wedding planning mostly. He’s excited for us and was encouraging when we expressed how overwhelmed we’ve been. It was a good visit.

As for the rest of the weekend, I’ve been feeling more and more fatigued so I’ve been taking it easy, resting when I needed and doing what I can when I can around the house.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I’m taking tomorrow off from work again. It’s Spring break so my route isn’t running and I really want to enjoy a little of it at least. I wanted to take the whole week off, but the truth is, with all the snow days, the mental health days, and a very expensive wedding coming up soon, I just can’t afford to stay home and play writer right now.

So, I’ll go to work but maybe I’ll find my own little pleasures and take my tiny vacations where I can. Maybe I’ll go in late and leave a little early, and maybe I’ll take long lunches in the sun since the Spring is forecasted to arrive this week. I’m looking forward to it. This winter has taken a toll on me. All winters take their toll on me.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I can feel myself losing the battle against sleep. The couch is calling and I long to put on an old movie to nod off to. It looks like I’ll be spending my extra day off doing all the things I should have done today.

Oh well, I hope you had a good week and that wherever you are you weren’t in the path of that nasty winter storm and if you were I hope spring will be on the way soon. I hope you made some progress in whatever way you needed to, and if you didn’t I hope you know you can always start again.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

069 // Only Half Failed

Sunday again, my old foe. I’ve wasted so much of it and I’m not even sorry. Yes, I am, but I’m trying not to be. It’s not my fault. Sundays make it hard to be productive by being so nice in themselves but being so close to Monday that they are resented for the association.

So, I tried, and only half failed so I’m not mad. The day is simply set up for failure.

But tomorrow will be different, I hope. I already know I won’t have as much time to myself as I need but I’m promising to do good work nonetheless. I’ll muster all the enthusiasm it takes and be sure to save a little over so that when the work is done there’ll be something left for me.

https://www.tumblr.com/lisamarieblair/183367374345/adam-jk

These entries are inspired by Thord D. Hedengren

If We Were Having Coffee // Low-Key and Beautiful

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Even though I knew it was coming, the time change still threw me off this morning. I forgot to set my alarm last night, which has been unnecessary for many weekends in a row now and got up almost exactly one hour later than usual. So, instead of losing an hour of sleep, I lost an hour of my day. I haven’t been able to catch up yet.

But coffee always helps and I, thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Terry Pratchett, plan to pour a big cup of cold brew and get that hour back not from the past, as that would be impossible, but from my future self, who probably would have wasted it anyway.

So, please, pull up a chair and help yourself to a cup too. It’s not a particularly warm day, but it’s nicer than usual so I’m airing out the house while I can and letting plenty of sun in while it’s shining. Let’s talk about last week.

“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”

― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

The week was low-key, but that isn’t the same as stress-free. The reason my workload was so reduced was that my team’s schedule kept getting shuffled and pushed. We showed up every day thinking we knew the plan and every day we were told a different one. We couldn’t shake the feeling that the work would never get done but that even when it did time constraints would make doing good work impossible.

Now I’m afraid the coming week will have twice the work to do with the same amount of time. I expect bad moods and flaring tempers all around.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as the week wore on we got busier and busier as we approached my brother’s wedding date Friday.

My sister and her kids flew into town on Wednesday and I spent the evening at my mother’s seeing her and her kids, my other sister, and my brother’s children who we left in grandma’s care for the evening. We had a great time and I went home and got to bed much later than was healthy because I was simply having too much fun.

Thursday I still had to work and afterward had to rush across town for the rehearsal dinner. My family was too worn out from the rehearsal before to keep the night going and honestly, I was worn out from a long cold day at work to keep the night going. We all went home, and to bed, early so we’d be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the big day.

I spent the morning of the wedding with my mom, my sister, and her kids. We took it easy, relaxing and watching TV, getting ready in bursts and shifts and trying to keep each other calm. We were all nervous for my brother. We wanted his and his fiancee’s day to go off without a hitch, but we were nervous for ourselves as well. We all have our own anxieties, and social functions are a common trigger. Add to that the expectations and the responsibility we each had to help make the day perfect, and we were all on edge and on the verge of tears.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that none of us had any reason to be worried. The day was perfect and everything went just as it was supposed to. The ceremony was short. The couple wrote their own vows and jumped the broom after the kiss. We all filed into the next room for cocktail hour and my girlfriend, who had volunteered to test her photography skills for the day, took everyone outside for pictures.

The food was good and the DJ, the brides younger sister played all the great wedding hits. We drank, ate, drank some more, and then we danced the night away.

By the end of the night, my sisters and I were the last ones on the dance floor and feeling great, but the night had to be cut short after a few had a few too many and we had to rally to get them home safe.

All in all, it was a beautiful day and I’m happy we got to be part of it. I’m also glad it’s over and I can focus fully on my own coming in just a few short months.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have so much to do and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can’t get it together and get it done. I’m procrastinating bad! We both are. We’re paralyzed by fear and still time is tick, tick, ticking away and still, we can’t help ourselves by taking any concrete action.

My biggest goal this week is to contact all the caterers on the list and to start on attire. We’re quickly approaching a point in our timeline where if too much is left to do we will have to make tough choices and compromises that will negatively impact our vision for the day.

After attending my brother’s wedding though I actually feel a lot better about my own capabilities for planning. He and his wife kept it simple, and it was good to see that simple can still be fun and beautiful. I was also happy to find that his wedding differed greatly from what I envision for my own and I’m even more excited to show people what we come up with.

After all that work and wedding stuff we felt it was important to reconnect with each other and get back to our own lives so we planned a little date night. Dinner and a movie, our old favorite. We saw Captain Marvel and I want to take a moment before I go to urge all of you, but especially those of you with young girls and those of us who were once young girls, to go see it.

I went into it not knowing very much about Captain Marvel. I never read the comics and I only vaguely remember her from the X-Men cartoons I used to watch as a kid. I went into the theater thinking I was about to see a very mediocre story about a very mediocre superhero, damn was I wrong!

The story was well written and well acted. The moral was thought-provoking and timely, and Captain Marvel was a strong, smart, and perfectly flawed. She may just be my new favorite hero and one I think all girls should see on the big screen, old and young alike.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that a week of work and wedding things means that my house is in shambles and it means I have to go now if I want to have any chance of cleaning it up and getting ready for Monday.

I hope this last week was good to you. I hope wherever you are you can smell Spring in the air and that “springing forward” doesn’t through you off too much. I hope that you found time to relax this weekend and that your coming week will be even better than the last.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash

If We Were Having Coffee // Two Big Days to Plan For

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Today is definitely a snow day. We’re cooped up inside away from the sub-zero temperatures and the nearly 7 inches of snow that have fallen since yesterday evening. We woke this morning without water and feared that somewhere a pipe had frozen and would burst soon but after playing with the main valve, setting up a space heater, and opening all the faucets water quickly returned and I could finally make my coffee. Thank God!

So, pull up a chair and, please, help yourself to a cup. I’m having blonde roast this morning with a bit of coconut cream but I have cold brew coffee in the fridge if you are one of those crazy people who crave it on wintery days like this. Come, let’s talk about last week.

“Do you ever get really excited about life and then realize it’s just the caffeine? It’s really depressing, but that just means you need more coffee.”

― Stephen Robinson, Mahogany Slade

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

I didn’t do as much blog writing done as I’d hoped but I did do some behind the scenes stuff like cleaning up categories and changing themes and I worked on a piece for Zen and Pi that I’m excited about. In the coming week, I’d like to finish it and start on a few other ideas too.

Writing here has been great for building momentum and for keeping my focus, but this isn’t all the writing I want to be doing. I have so much I want to say but taking the disordered contents of my mind and translating onto the page as something coherent and interesting is not only difficult but petrifying. This is going to take a while.

I had mistakingly expected to enjoy those unremarkable days for a long while, but three days is all I got. Then the old workload was back, and I’ve already been forewarned that next week will be even worse. We’re understaffed and overworked. A schedule will be difficult to put together and impossible to stick too. I’m expecting plenty of confusion, frustration, and irritability, but I’m looking forward to the end when I can boast of a job well done in the face of chaos.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the highlight of my week was getting to attend a fancy awards ceremony at work for a friend who was being honored. This award is for people who work in supporting roles in our school district. People forget it isn’t just the teachers who create the safe, structured and nurturing environment that facilitates learning. There’s transportation, where I work, there’s maintenance, information systems, food and nutrition, and so much more.

Every year we all get together to nominate the best among us to be considered for recognition and in February we throw a party in their honor. I’m proud to say I am a past honoree, and so is my girlfriend, and many of our friends too. It felt good to go and when all past honorees were asked to stand and be recognized again, I felt honored not just in my own past award but to see so many of my friends standing as well.

At that moment I realized I had chosen the right community. I had surrounded myself with people who work hard, who care, who take the job seriously and who want all of us, and all the children we are responsible for, to succeed.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we didn’t make much progress in wedding planning, but only because we had another wedding on our minds. My brother is marrying his longtime girlfriend, and mother to two of my nieces and nephews this week! I’m excited for him, and only a little peeved to be attending his wedding the same year I am planning mine.

My girlfriend has agreed to be the photographer for this event so I’ve been helping her gather her gear, plan her shots, her outfit, and to build her confidence. She’s never shot a wedding before and she is not a professional, but she’s good, and I know her best will be phenomenal.

My sister, the one I was just visiting in Texas, will be here too and I’m thrilled to have the family all together again even if it’s only for the weekend. When I’m not acting as my girlfriend’s assistant I plan to make the most of this rare sibling time while I can. I just know well have a blast.

It’s crazy to think the next time we’ll all be together again I’ll be the one getting married!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you I am gravely concerned that we won’t have everything done in time for our own big day. In addition, I grow increasingly enraged by the costs and the expectations as we get closer and closer. If you are thinking of having a wedding or planning one already I encourage you to seriously consider skipping the entire ordeal. I wish I had taken the option seriously this time last year.

But, we can’t turn back now. We are trying to remember that this whole celebration is for us first. We can do it however we want. We can blow up every tradition, tear it apart, and reshape it in our own vision. At the same time, we are having to balance that desire to have complete control with the reality that we cannot do this on our own.

We need help, and help comes from people, people with emotions, people who want things their own way because they think it is the best way, for us. We scared to tell people no, that isn’t what we want, that isn’t us. That’s why up until now we’ve been going it alone, but that, to be honest, hasn’t gotten us very far at all. 

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as much as I am enjoying our chat, it’s time for me to go. This Sunday, rather than being a relaxing day inside, is “deep cleaning day” and I’m already falling behind in my half of the work. I’m hoping to blast through it all and have an hour or two to myself for a long shower, a face mask, a big lunch, and a long nap before evening rolls in. I want to be ready for Monday in every way.

I hope that you had a good week. I hope you accomplished something great and that all the bad was inconsequential. I hope wherever you are it is warm and that you have time to take care of yourself for a change before a new week begins.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Julien Labelle on Unsplash